HINJFCA 29: The Next Phase(s)

So it's going on a month (we graduated on April 4) since I graduated from the CSN/Salvation Army Culinary Program.  I forgot to mention that we were presented with an impressive-looking medallion inscribed with our names and graduation date on the back.  Our certificates arrived a few days ago.  Suitable for framing?  Sure, if you like framing a sheet of toilet paper.  While I appreciate the course -- and am lucky to have survived all that nonsense with my wits (mostly) intact -- the so-called marketable certificate looks like something a grade-schooler can make on a home computer.  Honestly, the certificate leaves so much to be desired that I doubt I'll include it with my resumes and applications.  That way a potential employer might not think that I made it myself as a promotional gag.

Here's what some of my classmates have been up to since graduation:  My former teammates have both scored jobs.  Rain Man got a gig as a waiter at Applebees, while Pitbull went off to Utah to work as a cook at Zion National Park.  The latter is apparently doing okay as his girlfriend moved up there with him. The former volunteered in the SA kitchens until his workload picked up.  Haven't seen him for a while; there's speculation that he may have moved out.

The outspoken woman known as AJ has moved from the SA campus as well.  She finished her parole commitment(s) and has moved back to her home somewhere in North Las Vegas.  Last I heard she was "just chillin'" with her six kids from five different fathers.  If she lives up to her promise to "smoke as much weed as I can" after her parole I expect she might end up behind bars again.

A guy I liked named JJ was kicked out of the SA program a few days after graduation.  He was tardy far too often to the kitchen.  Even though I was sometimes dispatched to his room to wake him up, I actually liked the guy.  He was fairly simple, with an oddly angular face that gave him an elfin appearance and was easy to get along with.  I was sorry he had to go.  He's moved in with an ex-SA client and her friends in Summerlin.  The household consists of several SA clients who were booted out.  I hear he's relapsed into heavy drug use.

Another guy with a lot of culinary experience was actually booted from SA before graduation, but was still allowed to matriculate with the rest of us.  He's living in an extended stay motel somewhere downtown.  In all, the culinary/kitchen of SA seems to have a lousy record of client success in the real world.  Many of them end up getting fired, discouraged, and wind up back of drugs or alcohol -- or worse, they wind up back behind bars or on the streets.  During their time of job training at SA, they don't seem to pay attention to the idea that nothing will change until they change themselves.  It's not uncommon to see homeless guys wander into the SA free food cafe who turn out to have worked in the very same kitchen, or graduated from the very same culinary course.

That's always a sobering realization.  More sobering is the case of a woman who was actually working in the SA Day Resource Center (DRC) when I first arrived there nearly six months ago.  The DRC is the large building and adjacent courtyard where many homeless people spend their days reading, playing dominoes or chess, smoking (outside only), or staring blankly into space wondering about what went wrong (assuming they're capable of cogent thought).  This lady worked at the reception desk as part of her rehab program, and was the person who directed me to speak with one of the caseworkers on site.

I didn't see her for a while --- you can understand my mind was on other things -- but later noticed her showing up in the line for free meals doled out daily by SA in the afternoon.  I recall asking her how things were going in the DRC and she quietly replied, "I don't work there no more."  I let it go and forgot about her until recently.  She began showing up again at the SA cafe, but now seemed more agitated or twitchy.  She gave no sign of recognition toward me.  I did find out where she stays, though:  You can find her camped out on the sidewalk with her gear directly in front of the very same building she used to work in.  On occasion I've walked by to see her sleeping on the sidewalk.  Unfortunately, this is not an isolated story; but it is one that resonates with me personally.

I've found it interesting that many of the people I've encountered at SA -- particularly the ones fresh out of prison -- seem to hold the same attitude:  Everything bad in their life has been "done to them."  They seem incapable of accepting personal responsibility for their actions; it's always somebody else's fault.  For instance, when caseworkers told one woman parolee her behavior was unacceptably confrontational and her language was too vulgar she replied, "Hey man!  I'm going through a lot of s**t, okay?  Why can't you people just leave me the f**k alone?"

It's an attitude that's prevalent throughout the SA clientele.  And it's that all-pervading ignorance that's become a prime motivator for me to move on.  Where?  Ah, you'll have to wait until the next episode.  I'm outta time, so that's a wrap!

Quote of the Day:
"I can't stand any of these assholes, man.  They're all walking pieces of s**t." -- Roommate #1's opinion of his fellow SA clients (hopefully he wasn't including your humble narrator)

HINJFCA 28: Now! The Cataclysmic Climax To Our Chronicle Of Culinary Combat!!

Always was a student of the Stan Lee School of Hyperbole. Of course, If this was a comic book cover, there'd be a blurb proclaiming, “In this issue – Everybody Dies!!” or somesuch. But fear thee not, fanatical one. No one dies here, although some have given up the ghost.

Anyway, where was I ...? Oh, yeah. I recently completed the Salvation Army/CSN culinary course which had been such a cause of aggravation for me over the past few months. While the prospect finally getting the course over with was the source of much elation, I now feel a bit deflated. I guess it took a few days for me to realize that the course – the experience – was indeed over for good.

Odd isn't it that often the very things that irritate us (people, events, circumstances, etc.) turn out to be hings we miss when they're gone. In my case, maybe the CSN course represented a challenge that I didn't detect at the time. I detailed many of my difficulties with the course in prior installments. There were times when I was tempted to simply walk away from not only the college course, but the entire Salvation Army vocational program as well.

Thankfully, I didn't make any hasty decisions and managed to finish out the process. So I do take a sense of pride in that accomplishment, and actually graduating from the course, even though it comes with an *asterisk or two. The accelerated culinary course is designed specifically for SA; it's unavailable to anyone else. I think the CSN/SA program is watered down (some might dumbed down) in terms of grading and more lenient in terms of tolerating student (mis)behavior.

For example, when I went to college in the past, I never had an open book test. I never got a +12 handicap on a test to ensure I wouldn't fail. I never had take-home quizzes that actually counted. Students arriving late to class or chattering during class were disciplined, not indulged. And students shouting death threats to each other (“I'm gonna kill you, motherf***er!”) would have been summarily ejected or at least harshly disciplined.

Maybe it's just the changing times. More likely, it's because many SA participants are atypical students. Many are just out of prison or rehab. They're mostly adults and have racked up a checkered past, to put it kindly. Because of their circumstance (including homelessness), maybe SA/CSN decided to cut the students a break to enhance their chances for success. Then again, maybe the CSN faculty is afraid that some of these freaks and felons might break out an AK-47 or machete (or both) if they receive a failing grade.

The graduation dinner took place in the campus restaurant, which resembles a Chills or Applebees place in terms of décor and ambiance. The 3-course dinner, consisting of appetizers like stuffed mushrooms (w/crabmeat), steak flank roll with spinach, cottage cheese and bacon, and cheesecake w/almondine nougat and mango sorbet was prepared by we students, and was well-received as far I could tell. The only thing I had a direct hand in making were the appetizers. Ironic because I can eat neither crabmeat or mushrooms. Still, many guests seemed to find the appetizers their favorite part of the menu. I'll take whatever credit I can steal.

There was a palpable tension amongst the students as serving time approached. Not so much panic, but stage fright. These guys had basically been working in the background and now they were being presented on stage before their friends, family, instructors, and most important, the moneybags who bankrolled the project and wanted to see if their money was well-spent or flushed down the toilet. History will have to be the judge of that. (It's probably academic anyway since I expect this program serves as a huge tax break/writeoff for somebody out there.)

So after a lot of anxiety, we were marched out in single file to the applause of the guests. I looked about, bemused; it was like a parade of children being shown off to their parents. There were speeches given by 3 students (your Humble Narrator was not one of said 3) about what the course and SA meant to them. There were the expected awkward pauses (and soothing reassurances from the audience), flubbed lines, and fingers pointed to the ceiling while giving thanks to “my personal Lord and savior Jesus Christ.” One speaker summed up by flashing peace signs and proclaiming, “Deuces!” to the mystification of half the crowd (the unhip half, I expect.)

Then we had a brief ceremony which involved our names being called out alphabetically while we walked to the podium to receive our official medallions (complete with names engraved on the back) from the chefs. Upon receiving my medallion I told the crowd, “Thanks and please drive safely!” Yeah, well, I had to say something. We assembled again at the front of the room for another round of applause before exiting.

Then it was down to biz, and that's when nerves of steel quickly unwound, frayed, and came apart. The pressure was on, and my erstwhile comrades did what they do best in such a situation: They panicked. Suddenly everyone wanted to be The Chef and started shouting orders, often contradicting each other in the same breath. The real Chefs had to step in and tell everyone to calm down. I, of course, kept my cool. Well, for the most part anyway.

Which prompted me to reply, “Look I'm doing this as fast as I can. If it's not fast enough, get somebody else, so make up your mind. Maybe you can call down your personal Lord and savior Jesus Christ to get it done.” (OK, I didn't really say that last bit about JC, but I wish I had. Hindsight is 20/20, and so on ...) Anyway, I exchanged places with the rice guy and things went a bit more smoothly, although he had many of the problems I did. We managed to get all the plates done, and that was it for the main course. Afterwards, I had to smile at the ridiculousness of all that anxiety over asparagus. For the love of all that's holy. Don't they know it makes your urine smell weird?

After that, it was cake, so to speak. The dessert was quickly served, after which students mingled with guests, chefs, etc. A class picture was taken (still haven't seen it) and we eventually gathered to eat the fruits of our labor, so to speak. There was an overall sense of relief, like a pent-up breath finally being released. People unwound, we cleaned up, said our goodbyes to the chefs, thanked our support group of waiters and servers, and .... it was time for one last ride back to SA from the CSN campus. That hardly a word was spoken is hardly a surprise: We'd been at work from 5am that day until after 10pm working in the SA and CSN kitchens. You know how you can be so tired it doesn't actually hit you until the next day? That was us.

And now I'm gonna blindside you. I originally planned to make this one post, but it's gone on so long that I'll have to split it up. So let's leave off for now and next time I'll sum up what been happening post-graduation with me and some of my fellow alums. Yep, I know: Nothing was said about this being a two-parter. But check it: Y'all should know how I roll.

Deuces!

HINJFCA: Interstitials

Since I don't have a lot of time, I'll throw out a few nuggets of info to update my readers (both of them) on what's been happening in the life & times of Your Humble Narrator:

The big Salvation Army/CSN graduation is tomorrow night, and it can't come soon enough.  After that, I'll work only 24 hours a week in the SA kitchens.  The rest of my time is supposed to be devoted to the all-important job search.

I say "supposed" because many SA program clients don't follow through with their job searches.  Case in point:  One of my roommates (not RM1) is getting the boot from SA by Friday.  While clients are required to log one job search a day, he recorded only two within a week.  Funny because he'd been telling me about all the interviews he was going on, and that he was supposedly starting a new job this week.  He was going out in business attire so I believed him.  Guess he was taking off to do his own thing.

We've lost a couple of kitchen workers recently.  One guy bolted because he refused to comply with SA rules concerning tardiness:  At the third offense the violator must stay in the common dorms for a week.  The common dorms are where a lot of the street characters stay ($8/night for a bed) and doesn't have the same amenities or privileges of the vocational dorms.  The guy said he had too much pride to go there.  Evidently he had enough pride to voluntarily hit the streets.  I hear he found a place at an extended stay hotel.

Another guy was discharged for excessive tardiness and calling in sick too often.  After one such sick call he was ratted out for taking off to play basketball all day at a nearby park.  He's one of those guys who thinks the world revolves around his schedule. 

I think another kitchen worker is set to be discharged.  He's a tall, lanky ex-heroin addict in his early 20s who always looks like he's wandering around in a daze.  I wonder if he really is an "ex-" junkie.  He showed up the other morning and promptly threw up into a garbage can while we watched in disbelief.  He hung around long enough to wash a few dishes, then left due to illness.  I think he's allergic to the idea of actually working.  We're taking odds on how long he actually lasts there.

Other people I've known who have come and gone:  A woman who worked in the SA lobby is now living on the sidewalk in a bedroll in front of the building.  When not not in front of the building she can be spotted constantly wandering up and down Owens Avenue. I heard she failed three breathalyzer tests on three separate occasions and was released. 

A guy in the SA kitchens who took off after receiving a "big (monetary) windfall" burned through it, then called a former workmate to say he was going to commit suicide.  He didn't, but he's no longer allowed on the SA grounds.  He now stays in a shelter run by Catholic Charities.  By the way, the amount of his "big windfall" was $1500.

A couple of women I was attracted to have both been discharged.  One had a history of mental instability and wandered off the SA campus, disappearing for two days.  She returned and created a scene when she screamed and yelled to be readmitted (she wasn't).  Last I heard, she was in some rehab program but details are sketchy.  The other woman got busted for dealing illegal pills and was taken away by the cops.  She never returned.  I know how to pick 'em, eh?

While the turnover rate at SA has been historically high, it seems to have accelerated recently. A couple of girls were also discharged recently.  Most of those dismissed tend to have an "I'm gonna do what I want attitude".  Since so many clients have come from various forms of incarceration, my guess is they're sticking with an attitude that worked behind bars.  But it doesn't fly on the outside. 

Since SA is fairly lenient when it comes to putting up with lateness and illness, these misfits decide to abuse the privilege, as it were.  But if they can't succeed at SA (which wants them to succeed), how can they abide in the real world.  There are too many qualified job seekers for employers to put up with self-centered attitudes and actions.

I'm taking off in a few minutes to eat lunch and hopefully grab a nap before heading back to the CSN campus for class.  We continue prepping foods for the graduation bash, and a lot of it is coming together nicely.  A mango sorbet tasted tangy, and a nougat almondine was sweet as candy.  Unfortunately, the guy in charge of that project forgot and left the almondine in the oven way too long.  The stuff was fused to the baking pan, rendered unusable (except as shards we used for snacks).

My team was working on mushroom caps stuffed with crab meat -- two foods I find repellent, actually.  But we got our work done so early that we essentially stood around for two hours and helped out other classmates when we could.

While I've mentioned how little I enjoy cooking, I've been doing more of it recently in the SA kitchens.  I've cooked eggs, hash browns, run the deep fryer, made salads, and thrown together meals for the free homeless menu.  Most of my efforts have been met with approval; a supervisor tasted my homeless concoction and stated, "Hell, I'd eat it."  So would I, were I living on the street.  But I choose to take it as a compliment.

At CSN the other night I blindsided everyone by producing the highest score in the class.  While your narrator is indeed humble, I simply state this to let you know that humbleness need not equal stupidity.  Simply put I don't necessarily believe in bragging because it's a waste of breath, imo"Light 'em up, blow 'em out like candles."

More updates coming.  For now, that's a wrap!