Canyoneering 3 -- Trapped With Tourists

While they provide profits for Xanterra (and put money in the employees’ pockets), tourists are often viewed by we employees as a necessary evil.  Sometimes their innocent ignorance can be amusing:  I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been asked – in all seriousness – whether they can ride an escalator or elevator to the bottom of the GC (personally I think it would be a good idea).  Or the many times I’ve been asked if it’s okay to feed the squirrels, deer, elk, etc. – this despite the fact that signs warning against this practice are posted everywhere.  Still, people can’t resist feeding these animals and are often bitten or otherwise wounded by the ravenous creatures.  For the record, National Park Service Rangers hand out stiff fines to those caught in such practice.

A common annoyance is the habit of tourists to clog the narrow roadways of the GC while they stop to take pictures of the local wildlife.  People can’t seem to get enough of seeing the elk and deer in particular.  Since I see these animals every day (and night), the novelty is lost on Your Humble Narrator.  Trust me, once you’ve nearly collided with a massive elk, they quickly lose the cute and cuddly factor. 

A common sight where I live

While tourists can occasionally be annoying, there are some benefits to having them around.  As noted, without their presence, we’d have no paychecks.  But I find it interesting to meet so many people from around the world, even if it’s only for a few moments. And because they're usually on vacation these folks are usually in a good mood (usually). You also tend to note their food preferences if you work (as I do) in a restaurant.

Many Asian tourists (from Japan and China mostly) seem to favor spaghetti and meat sauce.  Brits, Aussies and Kiwis seem to favor beef, like pot roast or Salisbury steak (which I tend to regard as a glorified hamburger).  Germans tend to order ham steak or fish.  The French are over the map when it comes to their culinary preferences.  Interestingly, the French tend to order a lot of French fries, (frite or pomme frite as they call it).  I wonder if French fries should be called American fries in France.

Because of the glut of foreign tourists, there are of course many different accents one must decipher; that’s when the visitors speak English at all.  Often there is a tour guide conducting groups of 10 to 50 people through the cafeteria, and they must translate everyone’s order.  This can take some time as you might imagine.  It’s especially annoying when one tour bus after another unloads dozens of hungry, tired visitors, each convinced that theirs is the only order that matters.  Adding to the aggravation is the habit of these tour guides to blast their comments through personal PA systems that makes the café echo with ear-splitting feedback.

 For the most part, the process runs smoothly although it can look like organized chaos to an onlooker.  Only once have I (nearly) taken offense to a customer’s attitude.  I won’t mention his nationality, but he was an older fellow, obviously impatient or preoccupied.  I asked him twice if I could help him but he didn’t respond.  On the third attempt, he snapped, “No I do not want your help!  You do not understand your own English?”  I desperately wanted to tell the old bastard to go f**k himself, but what can you do.  (Pardon my French)

The Yavapai Canyon Cafe, where toils Your Humble Narrator

While I’ve ragged a bit on the tourists, let me mention one distinct advantage to having them in the GC:  The many beautiful women who make the journey to see America’s massive hole in the ground (so many jokes there, make your own).  To me, the ladies are a far more interesting natural wonder than the Canyon itself.  Indeed, Your Humble Narrator is known to flirt with some of these ladies (lightly flirt that is; no grist for the sexual harassment mill from yours truly).  My favorite line to use is the following:  “Oh, you’re from (insert country here)?  Tell me, are all the women from (country) as beautiful as you?”  Has that line actually worked?  Ah well … as they say, that would be telling(!)

So if you’re planning on visiting the GC, don’t let my prickly comments dissuade you from stopping by.  You – and your cash – are always welcome.  And if you’re a beautiful lady from overseas of the USA or wherever, you are strongly encouraged to make the trip and stop by the Canyon Café at Yavapai Lodge.  Your Humble Narrator will be at your beck and call – and if you’re lucky, you just might get his private tour (as in a tour of his privates).  A low-class comment to be sure ... but that’s a specialty of mine.