Showing posts with label culinary school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label culinary school. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

HINJFCA: Interstitials

Since I don't have a lot of time, I'll throw out a few nuggets of info to update my readers (both of them) on what's been happening in the life & times of Your Humble Narrator:

The big Salvation Army/CSN graduation is tomorrow night, and it can't come soon enough.  After that, I'll work only 24 hours a week in the SA kitchens.  The rest of my time is supposed to be devoted to the all-important job search.

I say "supposed" because many SA program clients don't follow through with their job searches.  Case in point:  One of my roommates (not RM1) is getting the boot from SA by Friday.  While clients are required to log one job search a day, he recorded only two within a week.  Funny because he'd been telling me about all the interviews he was going on, and that he was supposedly starting a new job this week.  He was going out in business attire so I believed him.  Guess he was taking off to do his own thing.

We've lost a couple of kitchen workers recently.  One guy bolted because he refused to comply with SA rules concerning tardiness:  At the third offense the violator must stay in the common dorms for a week.  The common dorms are where a lot of the street characters stay ($8/night for a bed) and doesn't have the same amenities or privileges of the vocational dorms.  The guy said he had too much pride to go there.  Evidently he had enough pride to voluntarily hit the streets.  I hear he found a place at an extended stay hotel.

Another guy was discharged for excessive tardiness and calling in sick too often.  After one such sick call he was ratted out for taking off to play basketball all day at a nearby park.  He's one of those guys who thinks the world revolves around his schedule. 

I think another kitchen worker is set to be discharged.  He's a tall, lanky ex-heroin addict in his early 20s who always looks like he's wandering around in a daze.  I wonder if he really is an "ex-" junkie.  He showed up the other morning and promptly threw up into a garbage can while we watched in disbelief.  He hung around long enough to wash a few dishes, then left due to illness.  I think he's allergic to the idea of actually working.  We're taking odds on how long he actually lasts there.

Other people I've known who have come and gone:  A woman who worked in the SA lobby is now living on the sidewalk in a bedroll in front of the building.  When not not in front of the building she can be spotted constantly wandering up and down Owens Avenue. I heard she failed three breathalyzer tests on three separate occasions and was released. 

A guy in the SA kitchens who took off after receiving a "big (monetary) windfall" burned through it, then called a former workmate to say he was going to commit suicide.  He didn't, but he's no longer allowed on the SA grounds.  He now stays in a shelter run by Catholic Charities.  By the way, the amount of his "big windfall" was $1500.

A couple of women I was attracted to have both been discharged.  One had a history of mental instability and wandered off the SA campus, disappearing for two days.  She returned and created a scene when she screamed and yelled to be readmitted (she wasn't).  Last I heard, she was in some rehab program but details are sketchy.  The other woman got busted for dealing illegal pills and was taken away by the cops.  She never returned.  I know how to pick 'em, eh?

While the turnover rate at SA has been historically high, it seems to have accelerated recently. A couple of girls were also discharged recently.  Most of those dismissed tend to have an "I'm gonna do what I want attitude".  Since so many clients have come from various forms of incarceration, my guess is they're sticking with an attitude that worked behind bars.  But it doesn't fly on the outside. 

Since SA is fairly lenient when it comes to putting up with lateness and illness, these misfits decide to abuse the privilege, as it were.  But if they can't succeed at SA (which wants them to succeed), how can they abide in the real world.  There are too many qualified job seekers for employers to put up with self-centered attitudes and actions.

I'm taking off in a few minutes to eat lunch and hopefully grab a nap before heading back to the CSN campus for class.  We continue prepping foods for the graduation bash, and a lot of it is coming together nicely.  A mango sorbet tasted tangy, and a nougat almondine was sweet as candy.  Unfortunately, the guy in charge of that project forgot and left the almondine in the oven way too long.  The stuff was fused to the baking pan, rendered unusable (except as shards we used for snacks).

My team was working on mushroom caps stuffed with crab meat -- two foods I find repellent, actually.  But we got our work done so early that we essentially stood around for two hours and helped out other classmates when we could.

While I've mentioned how little I enjoy cooking, I've been doing more of it recently in the SA kitchens.  I've cooked eggs, hash browns, run the deep fryer, made salads, and thrown together meals for the free homeless menu.  Most of my efforts have been met with approval; a supervisor tasted my homeless concoction and stated, "Hell, I'd eat it."  So would I, were I living on the street.  But I choose to take it as a compliment.

At CSN the other night I blindsided everyone by producing the highest score in the class.  While your narrator is indeed humble, I simply state this to let you know that humbleness need not equal stupidity.  Simply put I don't necessarily believe in bragging because it's a waste of breath, imo"Light 'em up, blow 'em out like candles."

More updates coming.  For now, that's a wrap!

Monday, March 26, 2012

HINJFCA 26: Get A Backbone, Not A Wishbone


With the life-altering events I've undergone since last October, it's easy to overlook the fact that I'm heading into my fifth month of living at the Salvation Army Vocational Center. Luckily, Uncle Sam was kind enough to remind me that my food stamps expire at the end of next month, and I first received them around six months ago.

If you recall from my previous post, AJ had suffered a seizure and was taken to the hospital. Evidently she had an adverse reaction to some medication she takes. The good news is that she's made a complete recovery and is back in the kitchen. That's also the bad news, to a degree. She's just as loud and obnoxious as ever. She's also just as prone to deliver monologues filled with too much information, ala her graphic story concerning her roommate coming out of the shower and displaying some oddly shaped genitalia visible “through, you know, the hairs.” I guess some people simply won't change.

Some important dates of note are March 25 and April 4. The former date has already passed (indicating how far behind I am with this blog) but t still bears comment. 3-25 is the date we no longer have volunteers in the kitchen. Volunteers do a lot of the grunge work in the SA kitchens (like dishwashing, cleaning out grease traps, etc) and that frees up a lot of time for us clients to concentrate on the important stuff – like cooking, serving, and taking excessive smoke breaks (for those who smoke, unlike your humble narrator).

In return for their work (usually a 24 or 40 hour sked), the volunteers received a paid bed in the common dorms and free meals (only during their work shift). Some SA beancounter decided the Vols were getting too much recompense and decreed they get only meals; no more paid accommodations. So the convenience of tossing off a dirty job to a willing Vol is over; who'll work 40 +/- hours just for meals? That means a lot of clients (like me) will be doing a lot more multitasking in the days to come.

Luckily, your humble narrator is regarded as one of the more dependable workers in the kitchen. That makes me wonder if one day SA might be pushed into hiring some of their better workers in order to retain their services. Either that or bring back the volunteers with their old deal in place. Really, which option would be cheaper?

I say this because the turnover for SA workers (in the kitchen and elsewhere) is staggering. When you recruit groups of substance abusers off the streets, or repeat offenders from prison you're basically getting the quality of service you pay for. Many of these guys have a serious f**k-all attitude which leads them into disputes/fistfights, constant tardiness (if they show up at all) and careless work habits. The tardiness has gotten bad enough that SA has instituted a harsher policy: First time is a warning; second time 50% of gratuities are taken; third time, you spend a week in the common dorms; fourth time you're dismissed from SA entirely. A number of my fellow clients think the new rules are too stringent. I disagree; how can you expect to hold a job if you're habitually late?

There are certain meetings SA clients are required to attend: The daily 'roll call' from 7:45-8:00 which consists of attendance being taken, followed by a reading from the AA handbook and a group recitation of the Lord's Prayer. It may sound fairly rote but punishment for missing them is severe: miss 3 roll calls and you're discharged from SA. (If you're scheduled to work during roll call you're excused.) There's a monthly client-staff meeting where relevant news is announced and everyone has a chance to air gripes if they want to; complaints usually have to do with TV privileges or why isn't there more desserts offered at meals (one reason is because the kitchen staff eats so many sweets when they first arrive that there's not much left over for anyone else. Not me, of course.

We also have the occasional unscheduled staff-client meeting that usually takes place after an inordinate amount of misbehavior occurs (arguing, fighting, or bad work habits). A recent meeting concerned the aforementioned tardiness and the importance of treating the vocational program as a training program for the 'real world'. There was a heartfelt message for clients not to sneak foods into their rooms because the SA vocational program is basically broke and can't afford to hire an exterminator.

The idea that the SA vocational program is on its last legs was hammered home repeatedly. Maybe it was a scare tactic, but who knows? I do have to wonder when I've heard SA is a $4 billion/year enterprise; they cant divert some of that cash toward a worthwhile rehabilitation program? Supposedly, the program might be discontinued in the near future. That's why one caseworker pleaded, “Get yourself a backbone ... not a wishbone.” It is true that a lot of guys here seem to treat the program more as a vacation, not a springboard to a new life.

A case in point would be a young kitchen worker I referred to as the Illustrated Man because of all his tattoos. IM didn't show up for work his first day, then proceeded to be late at least 50% of his scheduled days. One memorable episode involved him arriving 30 minutes late, then begging the manager for some breakfast because he was so hungry. The manager grudgingly obliged with the understanding that IMIM announced he had to go pick up some medication and took off. He didn't return for the rest of the day.

The day after the aforementioned 'backbone' meeting, IM was discovered in a compromising position with a female client in a third floor room. Both clients were summarily dismissed. I knew the female client but didn't know she had such lousy judgment. I didn't know IM at all, but at least he went out with a bang (I think).

April 4th is important because it marks the CSN culinary course graduation dinner. In other words, no more school. I'll go down to 24 hours (3 days/week) in the kitchen and will search t employment the rest of the time. I've already begun some research on which companies to apply to and have visited a few establishments I might like to work at. But again, the big news is that school is done.

Ironically, this second part of the course has been more enjoyable than the first, due largely to the fact that my new teammates are far more compatible than Rain Man and Pitbull. But I'm still looking forward to moving on. Still, that doesn't mean that school is completely out of my life. The experience at CSN has been enjoyable enough that I'm considering returning there to finally complete a degree in art. Might be nice to finish something I started umpteen decades ago.

More on this as it develops. For now, that's a wrap!

Friday, March 16, 2012

HINJFCA XXV: 25th Installment Special!

What's the 'Special?'  I dunno.  More like a surprise, really; that is, I've actually managed to write 25 installments of this thing.  A surprise in that I'm still with the Salvation Army vocational program and still hanging tough in the culinary course at CSN. A surprise that I've managed to keep any semblence of my sanity during one of the most stressful periods of my life.  A surprise that it the light at the end of the tunnel may not signify an oncoming locomotive after all, but and actually and to this journey.  And the beginning of another one.  But before I get too misty eyed over my trials and tribulations, let us get caught up on a few events that have transpired since we last met.

Tensions tend to run high amongst the students in my culinary garde manger class.  Despite the fact that our graduation is only a few weeks away (April 4th, with a spring break included) I sense a lot of trepidation amongst my classmates.  My guess is that a lot of them are wondering -- and worried -- about their job prospects, especially those with long rap sheets.  While that is not one of your humble narrator's concerns, he is nonetheless becoming antsy about procuring work in a field in which he has, like, zero experience.  I'll keep you updated, of course.

The tension erupted into a all-out 'event' a few nights ago.  During our ride back to SA, we were treated to the serenades of AJ, who you might recall is an extremely outspoken large black woman and parolee.  Her obnoxious behavior is irritating to many of us, but we find it pointless to confront her about it.  She's one of those people who feels she's justified in whatever behavior she indulges, not matter how adversely it may affect her classmates.  As she warbled r&b songs throughout the drive, you could hear grumblings from those of us in the van.  The alleged singing was often punctuated by outbursts of her loud, grating laughter.  No one knows why she was laughing.

Upon heading into the SA offices (culinary students must place their knives in a central holding area, presumably to offset the chance of any random stabbings or renegade cooking), AJ continued to sing so loud that it was difficult to hear anyone else.  This was when another classmate -- one of my roommates, in fact commented, "Too bad we can't hear anything for all the goddam singing back here!"  This was the spark that lit AJs fuse.  "Yeah. that's too bad," she shouted back.  "That's just too f**king bad!"

Walking Pieces of Flesh

My roommate (call him RM1) is the sort who likes to needles people for the hell of it.  For example, one of his greetings is, "Geez, You have it made.  You don't have any problems, do you?"  Or he might try to provoke a response with, "What do you know about work?  You've had it easy.  I'm the only one who's ever had a hard life."  The hard life reference also turns up in comments like, "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole.  I've had a hard life."  Or to a female (usually):  I've had such a hard life.  You should let me rub Vicks VapoRub all over your chest." (No endorsement of said product unless Vicks elects to compensate me.)

With his dry delivery, it's not always easy to tell if RM1 is being serious or not.  As you might imagine, this has landed him in varying amounts of hot water since I've known him.  For the record, RM1 is a 48-year old white guy, overweight but not grossly so, and stands about 5'8.  Most would agree he has an outgoing personality and is friendly enough.  He tells me he's had a lifelong drinking problem and has been through countless rehab programs..  From what I can tell, he has spent the last several years in and out of various programs and has logged most of that time in SA.  While he claims to be seeking a cure, he also says he finds the compulsory AA meetings so boring that he usually spends his time texting throughout.

While I do like him and find him an agreeable roommate (I've heard a few horror stories about roommates from hell; remind me to tell you about them sometime) he does have a penchant for bizarre behavior and for making puzzling comments.  An example would be his habit of entering a room and spouting gibberish.  Something like "Shizbot pakum, flizzbet" with a delivery in a high-pitched 'alien' voice.  After which he immediately says, "What?" as if he didn't say it.  Other variations are RM1 suddenly bursting out singing gibberish, then commenting, "What the hell was that?"

A Thong To Remember

I find it funny up to a point.  RM does have a tendency to over do it.  As with certain 'catchphrases' like "Are you sick of it?" That one got overdone to the point that I told him to come up with new material. Or referring to fellow SA clients by saying, "Why can't someone just make all these walking pieces of flesh disappear?"  His longest running bit had to do with an apparent fixation on thongs.  While working, he would come up to you and mutter, my thong is on too tight; he would also blurt this out while sitting in the room.  Or he might announce, "Who can imagine me in a silver thong right now?  Seriously, I wanna know."

Another time-honored bit is his habit of sidling up to you with an impromptu 'thong song'.  This might go something like, "Hit me in my thong until your tits explode."  Or, "Bust me in the face until your thong's too tight!  What?"

Along with the laughs, RM 1 does have a dark side which can appear without notice.  This can manifest with certain statements about injuring people he perceives as ignoring him, or think are above him in some capacity.  He seems to be overly sensitive to criticism.  He'll often say things like, "The next time (he) says that to me or acts that way, I'll tell him, 'look motherf***er' you think you're so bad, let's go outside and settle it. But you won't do it 'cause you're too much of a bitch.'  That's what I'll tell him.  He thinks he can pull that s**t with me, but I ain't the one, bro'."

Then there's his obsession with online chat rooms/websites which leads to him constantly carry his phone while texting.  Even while working he has to break away and text.  He often talks about how he's met one woman or another in various states like Kentucky or Indiana and how well they get along.  He had a long relationship with a woman and her two kids.  They never met; the relationship was conducted entirely over the phone and texting.  It's amazing to me that there's a kind of subculture who meet, 'fall in love', 'get engages' and, I guess, even 'married' over the Internet.  I'd often he RM arguing with a woman about how she should respond to other guys online if she's his (alleged) 'finace'.

The relation ship with the woman and children ended badly, however.  While he often talked to the kids about how he wanted to meet them, marry their mom and start a new family, he neglected on detail:  He was living in a SA dorm, had no job, and no money.  When he finally revealed this to her, she was understandably upset and finally cut communication with him.  His response?  "It figures.  All these goddam women are the same.  They ain't serious.  I really thought she was special, too.  Stupid f***in' bitch."  Yes, the man does have issues.  But hey, I never said he was perfect.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Just wanted to let you have some insight to RM1, as I'd been meaning to do so for some time.  Anyway, AJ had just shouted, "That's too f**kin' bad!"  To which RM1 shouted, "Nobody wants to hear your stupid singing.  Shut the f**k up!

AJ:  Come make me shut the f**k up, then!
RM1:  Shut up before I bust you in the mouth!
AJ:  You gonna bust me in the mouth?  Do it then, bitch!  I fight men!  I'll kick your ass!
RM1:  You wanna act like a man, I'll treat you like a man if you don't shut up!
AJ:  Oh, well!  Oh, well!  Oh, F***IN' WELL!"

(About this time a female security guard happened by and managed to stand between AJ and RM1.  RM1 actually settled down, but AJ maintained her tirade, essentially shouting in the guard's face as RM1 and the rest of us walked through the doorway to another room.)

AJ:  The f**k you talkin' about, I'm too loud?  Who you, anyway?  I ain't motherf***in' loud!  You gonna fight me, come on back here, then!  I'll kick your motherf***in' ass to the curb!  Yeah, that's right!  You ain't nothin'!  Keep on walking, bee-yatch!"

Things finally quieted down, statements were taken, and everyone dispersed.  In the room afterward, RM fretted about his actions, claiming that he was only joking and didn't think AJ would take him seriously; things just got out of hand.  He also claimed he and AJ made up, apologizing to one another and hugging it out.  Maybe so.  But RM1 was still summoned to see the caseworkers the next day.  He learned that he would be on probation for the next two weeks.  That means he is essentially exiled to the A/B Dorms (the one with all the bunk beds that I stayed at initially) but still must report for kitchen duty and culinary classes.  He'll still retain meal  and laundry privileges, but can't stay in his room in the vocational dorm.

For all its drawbacks, the vocational dorm where I stay is vastly preferable to the other set-up.  The fact that SA views this as a punishment should tell you a lot.  It was thought that AJ would receive a similar punishment despite her protestations that she didn't do anything wrong (both parties were guilty of course).  But we'll have to wait and see with AJ.  Earlier this morning she suffered a seizure of some sort and fell over.  Ambulances arrived and took her to a nearby hospital with her boyfriend (a fellow client and classmate) along for the ride.  As of this writing I don't know how serious her condition is.

When I mentioned the happenings to RM1 he said, "Great.  They'll probably try to blame that on me, too.  (sighs)  Niptok duzzleflarb acto. What the hell was that?!"

So, after 25 installments of HINJFCA you might ask your humble narrator:  What's the most important thing you've learned thus far?  Easy.  My wrists get really cramped after all this damn typing.  For now, that's a wrap!