As in 2 weeks. As in my final 2 weeks at Salvation Army. Yeah, you read that right: I m preparing to depart the SA – complete with honorable discharge (that's what she said) – in a mere two weeks. So consider this a formal 2 weeks notice for SA, Las Vegas, and the entire state of Nevada. Because I'm heading east, to ...
But your humble narrator is getting ahead of himself. Last installment I promised to recount a few stories concerning some of the characters at SA, so let's get to that. And remind me not to get out of here with telling you abut the big change in lifestyle heading my way. (But if you just can't wait, there's a clue if you follow this link.)
'Beatdown Town'
Around a month ago a fellow client and kitchen co-worker named Truck (not his real name) scored a job at Crater Lake national park in Oregon. It sounded like a great deal: Nice location, a managerial position in their lodge kitchen, and a chance to save up some money.
So a week before he's due to leave, Truck gets into a seemingly harmless argument with a guy in the SA kitchen. I witnessed the exchange between Truck (a 5'9, stocky black guy) and the other man (a younger white guy approximately the same height but far slighter of build). They got nose to nose with low, intense voices, neither of them willing to back down. At one point they actually went outside but onlookers broke up a potential fight in front of the cafe entrance.
Upon re-entering the cafe, they exchanged parting shots with the younger guy exiting. Truck was still visibly upset when the security people showed up to take statements (your humble narrator kept his mouth shut) although he tried to laugh the matter off. Apparently the younger guy wasn't supposed to be in the cafe in the first place. Taking statements is par for most arguments of this kind. Security people mainly go through the motions on this sort of thing because guys woof at each other all the time in SA and little ever comes of it.
I wasn't a witness to the next part of the story, so I can only tell you what was related to me by my roommate. (FYI accounts of the following differ markedly) According to my roommate
Hank, he was walking a few blocks from the SA campus near the St.Vincent/Catholic Charities complex. Truck suddenly ran up to him and said, “Hold this, man!” He gave Hank his cell phone, wallet and other small items. When Hank asked what was going on, Truck simply ran across the street.
The younger guy from the cafe argument was there. Hank shouted for Truck to come back, but he confronted the younger guy on the sidewalk. Shouting turned into shoving, and wild punches were thrown. Truck dove at the younger guy's legs, hoisted him by the knees and body-slammed him to the cement. Truck then used his knees to pin the guy's arms and sat on his chest. Truck proceeded to deliberately punch the guy repeatedly, connecting with solid, deliberate shots to the face. Supposedly, you could hear wet 'popping' noises as Truck's fists hammered into the guy's face.
All the while, many homeless people sat and either ignored the event or watched with detached interest. No doubt they see this sort of thing frequently. Hank ran over and managed to pull Truck away, returning his stuff and telling him to get lost as the sound of police sirens drew nearer. Truck seemed to be in a daze, mumbling, “Thanks, man, sorry. I had to do it, man ...” He walked off and Hank took a moment to look at the damage done.
The younger guy was barely conscious. His face was beaten to the consistency of raw meat. We would later learn that he suffered a shattered jaw, a fractured eye socket and cheek bone, and several other injuries severe enough to put him in intensive care. (For the record, he did survive.) But before Hank could get away, he was detained by St.Vincent security officers and eventually questioned by police.
Truck was ID'd by the guy and arrested later that night; I saw him led in handcuffs to the squad car. Hard to believe this was my co-worker and fellow student/client who was always so easy to get along with. He did have a temper, but I never thought him capable of such an action.
He would end up spending 24 days in jail (denied bond) because the guy didn't press charges and decided to move to Oregon. Most agreed that Truck dodged a bullet on that one; he could still be sitting in jail awaiting trial. His penance? Apparently no more than attending an 8-hour anger management class and he's paid his debt to society.
Truck did lose his national park gig but SA allowed him to return to the kitchen. He's presently searching again for work.
When I saw him he told me his version of the story: He was walking along when the younger guy and three friends tried to jump him. Truck “knocked the f**kin' shit out that asshole” (his words) and the other three fled. “But all them bitches know they best respect my ass. You feel me?”
Okay. Obviously, that conflicts with the version told to me by my roommate. Hank also had to tell his story to Vegas Metro detectives; he said it was like an episode of “Law & Order” (insert favorite franchise here) where he was taken to a small room and his statement was recorded. Hank was also summoned to attend Truck's court date although he never had to take the stand.
Many clients on the SA campus actually sided with Truck, supporting his actions regardless of which version of the story they believed. Some clients tried to make it a racial issue and another case of injustice for the black man. All I can say is that both parties were at fault (imo). There was no reason for the argument(s) to reach the level it did. As is often the case, the cause was something small. Here, the events stemmed from Truck telling the guy to take only one sausage for breakfast. The guy then threw a sausage link at Truck and it was on. All that grief over a sausage. Somewhere in porcine heaven, a piggie must be squealing with satisfaction.
Truck is apparently none the worse for wear. In fact he seems to be enjoying something of a celebrity status since returning from jail, telling his tale of woe to friends who listen raptly. I worked with him earlier today serving the homeless breakfast and he's pretty much the same as before: Pushy, somewhat bossy at times, occasionally annoying. As usual, I pretend not to hear him and stay focused on what I'm doing. Truck is one of those guys I like overall, just not as a co-worker. Whatever. I'll keep the peace for two more weeks and resist any urge to throw sausage links at the guy.
Now, about that new j-o-b ... Ah, but it seems I've taken too long telling you about Truck. Guess I'll have to wait til the next installment. No, let's get it out of the way before you burst from frustration. Your humble narrator has scored a gig at a small resort located in the southwestern US. Ever hear of the Grand Canyon? Yup, that's how I roll. Go big or go home is what I say.
Anyway, I'll be working in one of the lodges or restaurants there basically as a food server. Fine with me because it doesn't involve cooking and it's a tipped position. Best, it fulfills my obligation to SA's culinary program so they won't sic the debt collectors from hell upon me. And I must admit the prospect of some new scenery appeals to me. So we'll see what develops. But for all intents and purposes the GC gig is a done deal.
Next time: Eh. We'll figure something out. For now, that's a wrap!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
HINJFCA The Big 3-0
Wow, it's been a few weeks since my last posting. I had meant to relate how the job search process works at Salvation Army, so without further ado ...
After finishing the Essential Employment Skills course (or graduating the culinary course in my case) the client is considered in Phase 2 of the Vocational Program. This means going out into the 'real world' and basically applying for jobs. Clients are discouraged to make contacts through the old fashioned method of "Hi, are you guys hiring?" or "Yo dude, got any applications?" or some such.
Rather, clients are urged to make contact via means of talking to the boss directly (in my case, the chef) by means of introducing yourself as an honest guy offering an honest days work in return for an honest paycheck -- honestly.
In Phase 2 the client's work week is reduced to 24 hours (3 days) in order to facilitate their job search. Clients are expected to make five applications or efforts each week. Each effort is to be recorded on a sheet provided by SA which notes the employer's name, address, phone #, etc. Clients must also keep a diary of sorts that records all pertinent information as well. Failure to do so can result in disciplinary action such as loss of weekly gratuity ($15 in my case); or in the case of repeated non-compliance, expulsion from the program. I've seen a number of people let go through this manner. With 4 days off, the temptation can be too much for some people to simply f**k off. SA understandably doesn't want to keep clients around who simply want to hang out on their dime.
Of those five efforts, one can be an online search or application. Ironic, because so many businesses today will only accept applications over the Internet. I expect that number will increase in the coming years I'm told that the time limit for finding a job is 3 months max. That figure seems to vary according to the client involved. I know several people who have hung around 4-6 months before they found work (part-time at that). Others have gotten the boot within 2 months. Then again, they might have been causing trouble I didn't know about.
(If you commit various violations like using excessive profanity or being too aggressive to staff or fellow clients you're subject to being 'written up'. Write ups are usually initiated by staff or security, but clients can write up fellow clients as well. The latter case is given low priority since the violation reported is often something on the order of "X didn't say hi to me this morning", or "X never paid me back the $5 they borrowed", and so on.) Too many write ups from the staff can result in expulsion. Again, the tolerance and punishment for certain violations varies from client to client.)
Believe it or not, some clients cheat(!) when it comes to their job search efforts. (Not your humble narrator, of course.) Some clients will simply search out businesses online or from the Yellow Pages, and fill in the pertinent info from that source. A contact name can often be found on a website or with a short phone call too find the name of the manager in charge of hiring. (This is not intended as a guide for cheating SA, btw; it's just stuff that happens) The caseworkers claim that all contact info is verified but I've never heard of that happening. But the staff is overworked as it is without having to chase down their clients' job leads.
I myself have been concentrating on fast food restaurants. This is mostly because there's a chance of a quicker hire and opportunity for advancement. Unfortunately, Mickey D's, Burger King, et al tend to hire only on a part-time basis with the idea of proving yourself worthy of full-time hours. Don't like the practice but I understand the logic. One manager told me he has any number of people come in and get the training, then bolt after a couple of paychecks never to be heard from. This is often done by teenagers saving up for a car downpayment or video game/electronic gear. Junkies/alcoholics and other substance abusers are also perpetrators here; they'll get clean long enough to get the job, then leave when they have enough cash for a couple of fixes.
To further update to progress of various former classmates and fellow clients: One guy recently got a gig with a small Italian restaurant, while another (the guy who shouts/sings "It's your love, Lord!") landed a job with the Cheesecake Factory. No word on if they allow Gospel singing on the job. But if this guy gave thanks whenever he evacuated his bowels, he must have really rejoiced when he got this job. Another guy got a job with a VFW outpost -- this after he took off for a weekend without telling anyone (including SA staff) and reportedly got so high he was detected by radar. He was found out, but allowed to stay when most other clients would have been dismissed for the same violation. (This is an example of the varying punishment/tolerance I cited earlier.)
Another fellow got booted from SA because he could no longer afford the rent. After you find a job, you're transitioned into Phase 3. This means you're a client in name only and no longer required to show up for roll call, turn in time sheets, or adhere to any other such rules. However, once you have an income you are required to pay rent to SA. It's not bad, usually around 30% of the gross. But the arrangement makes some clients think twice (it has me). While you are moved to a two-man dorm room and granted freedom from many client strictures, you still live under SA's roof. That means no drugs or alcohol, no fraternization with the opposite sex -- or the same sex for that matter -- and no excessive noise, profanity, etc.
SA sets up a savings account for the client and automatically deducts 30% off the top. The rest of the money goes to things like a bus pass, food, clothing and other essentials (rent comprises 30% of the amount left over from these deductions). In effect, the client must surrender their paycheck to SA, who doles it out according to this arrangement. It's not a bad thing, but many don't like the idea of signing over their money to SA. Still, it seems to have worked out well for many clients who have gone on to lead stable lives. Then there are guys like the aforementioned who may never get the message. This guy got three paychecks and blew (pun intended) all the money on lap dances. When he was short on rent, SA showed him the door. Can you blame them?
The strangest and perhaps most tragic story of a client literally losing it all involves an ex-classmate and friend who did something many of us found unbelievable. But to find out what that act involved, you'll have to tune in for the next installment ...
Late shout out to Marvel's The Avengers for shattering box office records across the globe. You humble narrator knew it all along, of course. SPOILER ALERT: The shadowy character was Thanos. Always wanted to do that!
In Phase 2 the client's work week is reduced to 24 hours (3 days) in order to facilitate their job search. Clients are expected to make five applications or efforts each week. Each effort is to be recorded on a sheet provided by SA which notes the employer's name, address, phone #, etc. Clients must also keep a diary of sorts that records all pertinent information as well. Failure to do so can result in disciplinary action such as loss of weekly gratuity ($15 in my case); or in the case of repeated non-compliance, expulsion from the program. I've seen a number of people let go through this manner. With 4 days off, the temptation can be too much for some people to simply f**k off. SA understandably doesn't want to keep clients around who simply want to hang out on their dime.
Of those five efforts, one can be an online search or application. Ironic, because so many businesses today will only accept applications over the Internet. I expect that number will increase in the coming years I'm told that the time limit for finding a job is 3 months max. That figure seems to vary according to the client involved. I know several people who have hung around 4-6 months before they found work (part-time at that). Others have gotten the boot within 2 months. Then again, they might have been causing trouble I didn't know about.
(If you commit various violations like using excessive profanity or being too aggressive to staff or fellow clients you're subject to being 'written up'. Write ups are usually initiated by staff or security, but clients can write up fellow clients as well. The latter case is given low priority since the violation reported is often something on the order of "X didn't say hi to me this morning", or "X never paid me back the $5 they borrowed", and so on.) Too many write ups from the staff can result in expulsion. Again, the tolerance and punishment for certain violations varies from client to client.)
Believe it or not, some clients cheat(!) when it comes to their job search efforts. (Not your humble narrator, of course.) Some clients will simply search out businesses online or from the Yellow Pages, and fill in the pertinent info from that source. A contact name can often be found on a website or with a short phone call too find the name of the manager in charge of hiring. (This is not intended as a guide for cheating SA, btw; it's just stuff that happens) The caseworkers claim that all contact info is verified but I've never heard of that happening. But the staff is overworked as it is without having to chase down their clients' job leads.
I myself have been concentrating on fast food restaurants. This is mostly because there's a chance of a quicker hire and opportunity for advancement. Unfortunately, Mickey D's, Burger King, et al tend to hire only on a part-time basis with the idea of proving yourself worthy of full-time hours. Don't like the practice but I understand the logic. One manager told me he has any number of people come in and get the training, then bolt after a couple of paychecks never to be heard from. This is often done by teenagers saving up for a car downpayment or video game/electronic gear. Junkies/alcoholics and other substance abusers are also perpetrators here; they'll get clean long enough to get the job, then leave when they have enough cash for a couple of fixes.
To further update to progress of various former classmates and fellow clients: One guy recently got a gig with a small Italian restaurant, while another (the guy who shouts/sings "It's your love, Lord!") landed a job with the Cheesecake Factory. No word on if they allow Gospel singing on the job. But if this guy gave thanks whenever he evacuated his bowels, he must have really rejoiced when he got this job. Another guy got a job with a VFW outpost -- this after he took off for a weekend without telling anyone (including SA staff) and reportedly got so high he was detected by radar. He was found out, but allowed to stay when most other clients would have been dismissed for the same violation. (This is an example of the varying punishment/tolerance I cited earlier.)
Another fellow got booted from SA because he could no longer afford the rent. After you find a job, you're transitioned into Phase 3. This means you're a client in name only and no longer required to show up for roll call, turn in time sheets, or adhere to any other such rules. However, once you have an income you are required to pay rent to SA. It's not bad, usually around 30% of the gross. But the arrangement makes some clients think twice (it has me). While you are moved to a two-man dorm room and granted freedom from many client strictures, you still live under SA's roof. That means no drugs or alcohol, no fraternization with the opposite sex -- or the same sex for that matter -- and no excessive noise, profanity, etc.
SA sets up a savings account for the client and automatically deducts 30% off the top. The rest of the money goes to things like a bus pass, food, clothing and other essentials (rent comprises 30% of the amount left over from these deductions). In effect, the client must surrender their paycheck to SA, who doles it out according to this arrangement. It's not a bad thing, but many don't like the idea of signing over their money to SA. Still, it seems to have worked out well for many clients who have gone on to lead stable lives. Then there are guys like the aforementioned who may never get the message. This guy got three paychecks and blew (pun intended) all the money on lap dances. When he was short on rent, SA showed him the door. Can you blame them?
The strangest and perhaps most tragic story of a client literally losing it all involves an ex-classmate and friend who did something many of us found unbelievable. But to find out what that act involved, you'll have to tune in for the next installment ...
Late shout out to Marvel's The Avengers for shattering box office records across the globe. You humble narrator knew it all along, of course. SPOILER ALERT: The shadowy character was Thanos. Always wanted to do that!
Friday, April 27, 2012
HINJFCA 29: The Next Phase(s)
So it's going on a month (we graduated on April 4) since I graduated from the CSN/Salvation Army Culinary Program. I forgot to mention that we were presented with an impressive-looking medallion inscribed with our names and graduation date on the back. Our certificates arrived a few days ago. Suitable for framing? Sure, if you like framing a sheet of toilet paper. While I appreciate the course -- and am lucky to have survived all that nonsense with my wits (mostly) intact -- the so-called marketable certificate looks like something a grade-schooler can make on a home computer. Honestly, the certificate leaves so much to be desired that I doubt I'll include it with my resumes and applications. That way a potential employer might not think that I made it myself as a promotional gag.
Here's what some of my classmates have been up to since graduation: My former teammates have both scored jobs. Rain Man got a gig as a waiter at Applebees, while Pitbull went off to Utah to work as a cook at Zion National Park. The latter is apparently doing okay as his girlfriend moved up there with him. The former volunteered in the SA kitchens until his workload picked up. Haven't seen him for a while; there's speculation that he may have moved out.
The outspoken woman known as AJ has moved from the SA campus as well. She finished her parole commitment(s) and has moved back to her home somewhere in North Las Vegas. Last I heard she was "just chillin'" with her six kids from five different fathers. If she lives up to her promise to "smoke as much weed as I can" after her parole I expect she might end up behind bars again.
A guy I liked named JJ was kicked out of the SA program a few days after graduation. He was tardy far too often to the kitchen. Even though I was sometimes dispatched to his room to wake him up, I actually liked the guy. He was fairly simple, with an oddly angular face that gave him an elfin appearance and was easy to get along with. I was sorry he had to go. He's moved in with an ex-SA client and her friends in Summerlin. The household consists of several SA clients who were booted out. I hear he's relapsed into heavy drug use.
Another guy with a lot of culinary experience was actually booted from SA before graduation, but was still allowed to matriculate with the rest of us. He's living in an extended stay motel somewhere downtown. In all, the culinary/kitchen of SA seems to have a lousy record of client success in the real world. Many of them end up getting fired, discouraged, and wind up back of drugs or alcohol -- or worse, they wind up back behind bars or on the streets. During their time of job training at SA, they don't seem to pay attention to the idea that nothing will change until they change themselves. It's not uncommon to see homeless guys wander into the SA free food cafe who turn out to have worked in the very same kitchen, or graduated from the very same culinary course.
That's always a sobering realization. More sobering is the case of a woman who was actually working in the SA Day Resource Center (DRC) when I first arrived there nearly six months ago. The DRC is the large building and adjacent courtyard where many homeless people spend their days reading, playing dominoes or chess, smoking (outside only), or staring blankly into space wondering about what went wrong (assuming they're capable of cogent thought). This lady worked at the reception desk as part of her rehab program, and was the person who directed me to speak with one of the caseworkers on site.
I didn't see her for a while --- you can understand my mind was on other things -- but later noticed her showing up in the line for free meals doled out daily by SA in the afternoon. I recall asking her how things were going in the DRC and she quietly replied, "I don't work there no more." I let it go and forgot about her until recently. She began showing up again at the SA cafe, but now seemed more agitated or twitchy. She gave no sign of recognition toward me. I did find out where she stays, though: You can find her camped out on the sidewalk with her gear directly in front of the very same building she used to work in. On occasion I've walked by to see her sleeping on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, this is not an isolated story; but it is one that resonates with me personally.
I've found it interesting that many of the people I've encountered at SA -- particularly the ones fresh out of prison -- seem to hold the same attitude: Everything bad in their life has been "done to them." They seem incapable of accepting personal responsibility for their actions; it's always somebody else's fault. For instance, when caseworkers told one woman parolee her behavior was unacceptably confrontational and her language was too vulgar she replied, "Hey man! I'm going through a lot of s**t, okay? Why can't you people just leave me the f**k alone?"
It's an attitude that's prevalent throughout the SA clientele. And it's that all-pervading ignorance that's become a prime motivator for me to move on. Where? Ah, you'll have to wait until the next episode. I'm outta time, so that's a wrap!
Quote of the Day:
"I can't stand any of these assholes, man. They're all walking pieces of s**t." -- Roommate #1's opinion of his fellow SA clients (hopefully he wasn't including your humble narrator)
Here's what some of my classmates have been up to since graduation: My former teammates have both scored jobs. Rain Man got a gig as a waiter at Applebees, while Pitbull went off to Utah to work as a cook at Zion National Park. The latter is apparently doing okay as his girlfriend moved up there with him. The former volunteered in the SA kitchens until his workload picked up. Haven't seen him for a while; there's speculation that he may have moved out.
The outspoken woman known as AJ has moved from the SA campus as well. She finished her parole commitment(s) and has moved back to her home somewhere in North Las Vegas. Last I heard she was "just chillin'" with her six kids from five different fathers. If she lives up to her promise to "smoke as much weed as I can" after her parole I expect she might end up behind bars again.
A guy I liked named JJ was kicked out of the SA program a few days after graduation. He was tardy far too often to the kitchen. Even though I was sometimes dispatched to his room to wake him up, I actually liked the guy. He was fairly simple, with an oddly angular face that gave him an elfin appearance and was easy to get along with. I was sorry he had to go. He's moved in with an ex-SA client and her friends in Summerlin. The household consists of several SA clients who were booted out. I hear he's relapsed into heavy drug use.
Another guy with a lot of culinary experience was actually booted from SA before graduation, but was still allowed to matriculate with the rest of us. He's living in an extended stay motel somewhere downtown. In all, the culinary/kitchen of SA seems to have a lousy record of client success in the real world. Many of them end up getting fired, discouraged, and wind up back of drugs or alcohol -- or worse, they wind up back behind bars or on the streets. During their time of job training at SA, they don't seem to pay attention to the idea that nothing will change until they change themselves. It's not uncommon to see homeless guys wander into the SA free food cafe who turn out to have worked in the very same kitchen, or graduated from the very same culinary course.
That's always a sobering realization. More sobering is the case of a woman who was actually working in the SA Day Resource Center (DRC) when I first arrived there nearly six months ago. The DRC is the large building and adjacent courtyard where many homeless people spend their days reading, playing dominoes or chess, smoking (outside only), or staring blankly into space wondering about what went wrong (assuming they're capable of cogent thought). This lady worked at the reception desk as part of her rehab program, and was the person who directed me to speak with one of the caseworkers on site.
I didn't see her for a while --- you can understand my mind was on other things -- but later noticed her showing up in the line for free meals doled out daily by SA in the afternoon. I recall asking her how things were going in the DRC and she quietly replied, "I don't work there no more." I let it go and forgot about her until recently. She began showing up again at the SA cafe, but now seemed more agitated or twitchy. She gave no sign of recognition toward me. I did find out where she stays, though: You can find her camped out on the sidewalk with her gear directly in front of the very same building she used to work in. On occasion I've walked by to see her sleeping on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, this is not an isolated story; but it is one that resonates with me personally.
I've found it interesting that many of the people I've encountered at SA -- particularly the ones fresh out of prison -- seem to hold the same attitude: Everything bad in their life has been "done to them." They seem incapable of accepting personal responsibility for their actions; it's always somebody else's fault. For instance, when caseworkers told one woman parolee her behavior was unacceptably confrontational and her language was too vulgar she replied, "Hey man! I'm going through a lot of s**t, okay? Why can't you people just leave me the f**k alone?"
It's an attitude that's prevalent throughout the SA clientele. And it's that all-pervading ignorance that's become a prime motivator for me to move on. Where? Ah, you'll have to wait until the next episode. I'm outta time, so that's a wrap!
Quote of the Day:
"I can't stand any of these assholes, man. They're all walking pieces of s**t." -- Roommate #1's opinion of his fellow SA clients (hopefully he wasn't including your humble narrator)
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
HINJFCA 28: Now! The Cataclysmic Climax To Our Chronicle Of Culinary Combat!!
Always was a student of the Stan Lee School of Hyperbole. Of course, If this was a comic book cover, there'd be a blurb proclaiming, “In this issue – Everybody Dies!!” or somesuch. But fear thee not, fanatical one. No one dies here, although some have given up the ghost.
Anyway, where was I ...? Oh, yeah. I recently completed the Salvation Army/CSN culinary course which had been such a cause of aggravation for me over the past few months. While the prospect finally getting the course over with was the source of much elation, I now feel a bit deflated. I guess it took a few days for me to realize that the course – the experience – was indeed over for good.
Odd isn't it that often the very things that irritate us (people, events, circumstances, etc.) turn out to be hings we miss when they're gone. In my case, maybe the CSN course represented a challenge that I didn't detect at the time. I detailed many of my difficulties with the course in prior installments. There were times when I was tempted to simply walk away from not only the college course, but the entire Salvation Army vocational program as well.
Thankfully, I didn't make any hasty decisions and managed to finish out the process. So I do take a sense of pride in that accomplishment, and actually graduating from the course, even though it comes with an *asterisk or two. The accelerated culinary course is designed specifically for SA; it's unavailable to anyone else. I think the CSN/SA program is watered down (some might dumbed down) in terms of grading and more lenient in terms of tolerating student (mis)behavior.
For example, when I went to college in the past, I never had an open book test. I never got a +12 handicap on a test to ensure I wouldn't fail. I never had take-home quizzes that actually counted. Students arriving late to class or chattering during class were disciplined, not indulged. And students shouting death threats to each other (“I'm gonna kill you, motherf***er!”) would have been summarily ejected or at least harshly disciplined.
Maybe it's just the changing times. More likely, it's because many SA participants are atypical students. Many are just out of prison or rehab. They're mostly adults and have racked up a checkered past, to put it kindly. Because of their circumstance (including homelessness), maybe SA/CSN decided to cut the students a break to enhance their chances for success. Then again, maybe the CSN faculty is afraid that some of these freaks and felons might break out an AK-47 or machete (or both) if they receive a failing grade.
The graduation dinner took place in the campus restaurant, which resembles a Chills or Applebees place in terms of décor and ambiance. The 3-course dinner, consisting of appetizers like stuffed mushrooms (w/crabmeat), steak flank roll with spinach, cottage cheese and bacon, and cheesecake w/almondine nougat and mango sorbet was prepared by we students, and was well-received as far I could tell. The only thing I had a direct hand in making were the appetizers. Ironic because I can eat neither crabmeat or mushrooms. Still, many guests seemed to find the appetizers their favorite part of the menu. I'll take whatever credit I can steal.
There was a palpable tension amongst the students as serving time approached. Not so much panic, but stage fright. These guys had basically been working in the background and now they were being presented on stage before their friends, family, instructors, and most important, the moneybags who bankrolled the project and wanted to see if their money was well-spent or flushed down the toilet. History will have to be the judge of that. (It's probably academic anyway since I expect this program serves as a huge tax break/writeoff for somebody out there.)
So after a lot of anxiety, we were marched out in single file to the applause of the guests. I looked about, bemused; it was like a parade of children being shown off to their parents. There were speeches given by 3 students (your Humble Narrator was not one of said 3) about what the course and SA meant to them. There were the expected awkward pauses (and soothing reassurances from the audience), flubbed lines, and fingers pointed to the ceiling while giving thanks to “my personal Lord and savior Jesus Christ.” One speaker summed up by flashing peace signs and proclaiming, “Deuces!” to the mystification of half the crowd (the unhip half, I expect.)
Then we had a brief ceremony which involved our names being called out alphabetically while we walked to the podium to receive our official medallions (complete with names engraved on the back) from the chefs. Upon receiving my medallion I told the crowd, “Thanks and please drive safely!” Yeah, well, I had to say something. We assembled again at the front of the room for another round of applause before exiting.
Then it was down to biz, and that's when nerves of steel quickly unwound, frayed, and came apart. The pressure was on, and my erstwhile comrades did what they do best in such a situation: They panicked. Suddenly everyone wanted to be The Chef and started shouting orders, often contradicting each other in the same breath. The real Chefs had to step in and tell everyone to calm down. I, of course, kept my cool. Well, for the most part anyway.
Which prompted me to reply, “Look I'm doing this as fast as I can. If it's not fast enough, get somebody else, so make up your mind. Maybe you can call down your personal Lord and savior Jesus Christ to get it done.” (OK, I didn't really say that last bit about JC, but I wish I had. Hindsight is 20/20, and so on ...) Anyway, I exchanged places with the rice guy and things went a bit more smoothly, although he had many of the problems I did. We managed to get all the plates done, and that was it for the main course. Afterwards, I had to smile at the ridiculousness of all that anxiety over asparagus. For the love of all that's holy. Don't they know it makes your urine smell weird?
After that, it was cake, so to speak. The dessert was quickly served, after which students mingled with guests, chefs, etc. A class picture was taken (still haven't seen it) and we eventually gathered to eat the fruits of our labor, so to speak. There was an overall sense of relief, like a pent-up breath finally being released. People unwound, we cleaned up, said our goodbyes to the chefs, thanked our support group of waiters and servers, and .... it was time for one last ride back to SA from the CSN campus. That hardly a word was spoken is hardly a surprise: We'd been at work from 5am that day until after 10pm working in the SA and CSN kitchens. You know how you can be so tired it doesn't actually hit you until the next day? That was us.
And now I'm gonna blindside you. I originally planned to make this one post, but it's gone on so long that I'll have to split it up. So let's leave off for now and next time I'll sum up what been happening post-graduation with me and some of my fellow alums. Yep, I know: Nothing was said about this being a two-parter. But check it: Y'all should know how I roll.
Deuces!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
HINJFCA: Interstitials
Since I don't have a lot of time, I'll throw out a few nuggets of info to update my readers (both of them) on what's been happening in the life & times of Your Humble Narrator:
The big Salvation Army/CSN graduation is tomorrow night, and it can't come soon enough. After that, I'll work only 24 hours a week in the SA kitchens. The rest of my time is supposed to be devoted to the all-important job search.
I say "supposed" because many SA program clients don't follow through with their job searches. Case in point: One of my roommates (not RM1) is getting the boot from SA by Friday. While clients are required to log one job search a day, he recorded only two within a week. Funny because he'd been telling me about all the interviews he was going on, and that he was supposedly starting a new job this week. He was going out in business attire so I believed him. Guess he was taking off to do his own thing.
We've lost a couple of kitchen workers recently. One guy bolted because he refused to comply with SA rules concerning tardiness: At the third offense the violator must stay in the common dorms for a week. The common dorms are where a lot of the street characters stay ($8/night for a bed) and doesn't have the same amenities or privileges of the vocational dorms. The guy said he had too much pride to go there. Evidently he had enough pride to voluntarily hit the streets. I hear he found a place at an extended stay hotel.
Another guy was discharged for excessive tardiness and calling in sick too often. After one such sick call he was ratted out for taking off to play basketball all day at a nearby park. He's one of those guys who thinks the world revolves around his schedule.
I think another kitchen worker is set to be discharged. He's a tall, lanky ex-heroin addict in his early 20s who always looks like he's wandering around in a daze. I wonder if he really is an "ex-" junkie. He showed up the other morning and promptly threw up into a garbage can while we watched in disbelief. He hung around long enough to wash a few dishes, then left due to illness. I think he's allergic to the idea of actually working. We're taking odds on how long he actually lasts there.
Other people I've known who have come and gone: A woman who worked in the SA lobby is now living on the sidewalk in a bedroll in front of the building. When not not in front of the building she can be spotted constantly wandering up and down Owens Avenue. I heard she failed three breathalyzer tests on three separate occasions and was released.
A guy in the SA kitchens who took off after receiving a "big (monetary) windfall" burned through it, then called a former workmate to say he was going to commit suicide. He didn't, but he's no longer allowed on the SA grounds. He now stays in a shelter run by Catholic Charities. By the way, the amount of his "big windfall" was $1500.
A couple of women I was attracted to have both been discharged. One had a history of mental instability and wandered off the SA campus, disappearing for two days. She returned and created a scene when she screamed and yelled to be readmitted (she wasn't). Last I heard, she was in some rehab program but details are sketchy. The other woman got busted for dealing illegal pills and was taken away by the cops. She never returned. I know how to pick 'em, eh?
While the turnover rate at SA has been historically high, it seems to have accelerated recently. A couple of girls were also discharged recently. Most of those dismissed tend to have an "I'm gonna do what I want attitude". Since so many clients have come from various forms of incarceration, my guess is they're sticking with an attitude that worked behind bars. But it doesn't fly on the outside.
Since SA is fairly lenient when it comes to putting up with lateness and illness, these misfits decide to abuse the privilege, as it were. But if they can't succeed at SA (which wants them to succeed), how can they abide in the real world. There are too many qualified job seekers for employers to put up with self-centered attitudes and actions.
I'm taking off in a few minutes to eat lunch and hopefully grab a nap before heading back to the CSN campus for class. We continue prepping foods for the graduation bash, and a lot of it is coming together nicely. A mango sorbet tasted tangy, and a nougat almondine was sweet as candy. Unfortunately, the guy in charge of that project forgot and left the almondine in the oven way too long. The stuff was fused to the baking pan, rendered unusable (except as shards we used for snacks).
My team was working on mushroom caps stuffed with crab meat -- two foods I find repellent, actually. But we got our work done so early that we essentially stood around for two hours and helped out other classmates when we could.
While I've mentioned how little I enjoy cooking, I've been doing more of it recently in the SA kitchens. I've cooked eggs, hash browns, run the deep fryer, made salads, and thrown together meals for the free homeless menu. Most of my efforts have been met with approval; a supervisor tasted my homeless concoction and stated, "Hell, I'd eat it." So would I, were I living on the street. But I choose to take it as a compliment.
At CSN the other night I blindsided everyone by producing the highest score in the class. While your narrator is indeed humble, I simply state this to let you know that humbleness need not equal stupidity. Simply put I don't necessarily believe in bragging because it's a waste of breath, imo"Light 'em up, blow 'em out like candles."
More updates coming. For now, that's a wrap!
The big Salvation Army/CSN graduation is tomorrow night, and it can't come soon enough. After that, I'll work only 24 hours a week in the SA kitchens. The rest of my time is supposed to be devoted to the all-important job search.
I say "supposed" because many SA program clients don't follow through with their job searches. Case in point: One of my roommates (not RM1) is getting the boot from SA by Friday. While clients are required to log one job search a day, he recorded only two within a week. Funny because he'd been telling me about all the interviews he was going on, and that he was supposedly starting a new job this week. He was going out in business attire so I believed him. Guess he was taking off to do his own thing.
We've lost a couple of kitchen workers recently. One guy bolted because he refused to comply with SA rules concerning tardiness: At the third offense the violator must stay in the common dorms for a week. The common dorms are where a lot of the street characters stay ($8/night for a bed) and doesn't have the same amenities or privileges of the vocational dorms. The guy said he had too much pride to go there. Evidently he had enough pride to voluntarily hit the streets. I hear he found a place at an extended stay hotel.
Another guy was discharged for excessive tardiness and calling in sick too often. After one such sick call he was ratted out for taking off to play basketball all day at a nearby park. He's one of those guys who thinks the world revolves around his schedule.
I think another kitchen worker is set to be discharged. He's a tall, lanky ex-heroin addict in his early 20s who always looks like he's wandering around in a daze. I wonder if he really is an "ex-" junkie. He showed up the other morning and promptly threw up into a garbage can while we watched in disbelief. He hung around long enough to wash a few dishes, then left due to illness. I think he's allergic to the idea of actually working. We're taking odds on how long he actually lasts there.
Other people I've known who have come and gone: A woman who worked in the SA lobby is now living on the sidewalk in a bedroll in front of the building. When not not in front of the building she can be spotted constantly wandering up and down Owens Avenue. I heard she failed three breathalyzer tests on three separate occasions and was released.
A guy in the SA kitchens who took off after receiving a "big (monetary) windfall" burned through it, then called a former workmate to say he was going to commit suicide. He didn't, but he's no longer allowed on the SA grounds. He now stays in a shelter run by Catholic Charities. By the way, the amount of his "big windfall" was $1500.
A couple of women I was attracted to have both been discharged. One had a history of mental instability and wandered off the SA campus, disappearing for two days. She returned and created a scene when she screamed and yelled to be readmitted (she wasn't). Last I heard, she was in some rehab program but details are sketchy. The other woman got busted for dealing illegal pills and was taken away by the cops. She never returned. I know how to pick 'em, eh?
While the turnover rate at SA has been historically high, it seems to have accelerated recently. A couple of girls were also discharged recently. Most of those dismissed tend to have an "I'm gonna do what I want attitude". Since so many clients have come from various forms of incarceration, my guess is they're sticking with an attitude that worked behind bars. But it doesn't fly on the outside.
Since SA is fairly lenient when it comes to putting up with lateness and illness, these misfits decide to abuse the privilege, as it were. But if they can't succeed at SA (which wants them to succeed), how can they abide in the real world. There are too many qualified job seekers for employers to put up with self-centered attitudes and actions.
I'm taking off in a few minutes to eat lunch and hopefully grab a nap before heading back to the CSN campus for class. We continue prepping foods for the graduation bash, and a lot of it is coming together nicely. A mango sorbet tasted tangy, and a nougat almondine was sweet as candy. Unfortunately, the guy in charge of that project forgot and left the almondine in the oven way too long. The stuff was fused to the baking pan, rendered unusable (except as shards we used for snacks).
My team was working on mushroom caps stuffed with crab meat -- two foods I find repellent, actually. But we got our work done so early that we essentially stood around for two hours and helped out other classmates when we could.
While I've mentioned how little I enjoy cooking, I've been doing more of it recently in the SA kitchens. I've cooked eggs, hash browns, run the deep fryer, made salads, and thrown together meals for the free homeless menu. Most of my efforts have been met with approval; a supervisor tasted my homeless concoction and stated, "Hell, I'd eat it." So would I, were I living on the street. But I choose to take it as a compliment.
At CSN the other night I blindsided everyone by producing the highest score in the class. While your narrator is indeed humble, I simply state this to let you know that humbleness need not equal stupidity. Simply put I don't necessarily believe in bragging because it's a waste of breath, imo"Light 'em up, blow 'em out like candles."
More updates coming. For now, that's a wrap!
Monday, March 26, 2012
HINJFCA 26: Get A Backbone, Not A Wishbone
With the life-altering events I've undergone since last October, it's easy to overlook the fact that I'm heading into my fifth month of living at the Salvation Army Vocational Center. Luckily, Uncle Sam was kind enough to remind me that my food stamps expire at the end of next month, and I first received them around six months ago.
If you recall from my previous post, AJ had suffered a seizure and was taken to the hospital. Evidently she had an adverse reaction to some medication she takes. The good news is that she's made a complete recovery and is back in the kitchen. That's also the bad news, to a degree. She's just as loud and obnoxious as ever. She's also just as prone to deliver monologues filled with too much information, ala her graphic story concerning her roommate coming out of the shower and displaying some oddly shaped genitalia visible “through, you know, the hairs.” I guess some people simply won't change.
Some important dates of note are March 25 and April 4. The former date has already passed (indicating how far behind I am with this blog) but t still bears comment. 3-25 is the date we no longer have volunteers in the kitchen. Volunteers do a lot of the grunge work in the SA kitchens (like dishwashing, cleaning out grease traps, etc) and that frees up a lot of time for us clients to concentrate on the important stuff – like cooking, serving, and taking excessive smoke breaks (for those who smoke, unlike your humble narrator).
In return for their work (usually a 24 or 40 hour sked), the volunteers received a paid bed in the common dorms and free meals (only during their work shift). Some SA beancounter decided the Vols were getting too much recompense and decreed they get only meals; no more paid accommodations. So the convenience of tossing off a dirty job to a willing Vol is over; who'll work 40 +/- hours just for meals? That means a lot of clients (like me) will be doing a lot more multitasking in the days to come.
Luckily, your humble narrator is regarded as one of the more dependable workers in the kitchen. That makes me wonder if one day SA might be pushed into hiring some of their better workers in order to retain their services. Either that or bring back the volunteers with their old deal in place. Really, which option would be cheaper?
I say this because the turnover for SA workers (in the kitchen and elsewhere) is staggering. When you recruit groups of substance abusers off the streets, or repeat offenders from prison you're basically getting the quality of service you pay for. Many of these guys have a serious f**k-all attitude which leads them into disputes/fistfights, constant tardiness (if they show up at all) and careless work habits. The tardiness has gotten bad enough that SA has instituted a harsher policy: First time is a warning; second time 50% of gratuities are taken; third time, you spend a week in the common dorms; fourth time you're dismissed from SA entirely. A number of my fellow clients think the new rules are too stringent. I disagree; how can you expect to hold a job if you're habitually late?
There are certain meetings SA clients are required to attend: The daily 'roll call' from 7:45-8:00 which consists of attendance being taken, followed by a reading from the AA handbook and a group recitation of the Lord's Prayer. It may sound fairly rote but punishment for missing them is severe: miss 3 roll calls and you're discharged from SA. (If you're scheduled to work during roll call you're excused.) There's a monthly client-staff meeting where relevant news is announced and everyone has a chance to air gripes if they want to; complaints usually have to do with TV privileges or why isn't there more desserts offered at meals (one reason is because the kitchen staff eats so many sweets when they first arrive that there's not much left over for anyone else. Not me, of course.
We also have the occasional unscheduled staff-client meeting that usually takes place after an inordinate amount of misbehavior occurs (arguing, fighting, or bad work habits). A recent meeting concerned the aforementioned tardiness and the importance of treating the vocational program as a training program for the 'real world'. There was a heartfelt message for clients not to sneak foods into their rooms because the SA vocational program is basically broke and can't afford to hire an exterminator.
The idea that the SA vocational program is on its last legs was hammered home repeatedly. Maybe it was a scare tactic, but who knows? I do have to wonder when I've heard SA is a $4 billion/year enterprise; they cant divert some of that cash toward a worthwhile rehabilitation program? Supposedly, the program might be discontinued in the near future. That's why one caseworker pleaded, “Get yourself a backbone ... not a wishbone.” It is true that a lot of guys here seem to treat the program more as a vacation, not a springboard to a new life.
A case in point would be a young kitchen worker I referred to as the Illustrated Man because of all his tattoos. IM didn't show up for work his first day, then proceeded to be late at least 50% of his scheduled days. One memorable episode involved him arriving 30 minutes late, then begging the manager for some breakfast because he was so hungry. The manager grudgingly obliged with the understanding that IMIM announced he had to go pick up some medication and took off. He didn't return for the rest of the day.
The day after the aforementioned 'backbone' meeting, IM was discovered in a compromising position with a female client in a third floor room. Both clients were summarily dismissed. I knew the female client but didn't know she had such lousy judgment. I didn't know IM at all, but at least he went out with a bang (I think).
April 4th is important because it marks the CSN culinary course graduation dinner. In other words, no more school. I'll go down to 24 hours (3 days/week) in the kitchen and will search t employment the rest of the time. I've already begun some research on which companies to apply to and have visited a few establishments I might like to work at. But again, the big news is that school is done.
Ironically, this second part of the course has been more enjoyable than the first, due largely to the fact that my new teammates are far more compatible than Rain Man and Pitbull. But I'm still looking forward to moving on. Still, that doesn't mean that school is completely out of my life. The experience at CSN has been enjoyable enough that I'm considering returning there to finally complete a degree in art. Might be nice to finish something I started umpteen decades ago.
More on this as it develops. For now, that's a wrap!
Friday, March 16, 2012
HINJFCA XXV: 25th Installment Special!
What's the 'Special?' I dunno. More like a surprise, really; that is, I've actually managed to write 25 installments of this thing. A surprise in that I'm still with the Salvation Army vocational program and still hanging tough in the culinary course at CSN. A surprise that I've managed to keep any semblence of my sanity during one of the most stressful periods of my life. A surprise that it the light at the end of the tunnel may not signify an oncoming locomotive after all, but and actually and to this journey. And the beginning of another one. But before I get too misty eyed over my trials and tribulations, let us get caught up on a few events that have transpired since we last met.
Tensions tend to run high amongst the students in my culinary garde manger class. Despite the fact that our graduation is only a few weeks away (April 4th, with a spring break included) I sense a lot of trepidation amongst my classmates. My guess is that a lot of them are wondering -- and worried -- about their job prospects, especially those with long rap sheets. While that is not one of your humble narrator's concerns, he is nonetheless becoming antsy about procuring work in a field in which he has, like, zero experience. I'll keep you updated, of course.
The tension erupted into a all-out 'event' a few nights ago. During our ride back to SA, we were treated to the serenades of AJ, who you might recall is an extremely outspoken large black woman and parolee. Her obnoxious behavior is irritating to many of us, but we find it pointless to confront her about it. She's one of those people who feels she's justified in whatever behavior she indulges, not matter how adversely it may affect her classmates. As she warbled r&b songs throughout the drive, you could hear grumblings from those of us in the van. The alleged singing was often punctuated by outbursts of her loud, grating laughter. No one knows why she was laughing.
Upon heading into the SA offices (culinary students must place their knives in a central holding area, presumably to offset the chance of any random stabbings or renegade cooking), AJ continued to sing so loud that it was difficult to hear anyone else. This was when another classmate -- one of my roommates, in fact commented, "Too bad we can't hear anything for all the goddam singing back here!" This was the spark that lit AJs fuse. "Yeah. that's too bad," she shouted back. "That's just too f**king bad!"
Walking Pieces of Flesh
My roommate (call him RM1) is the sort who likes to needles people for the hell of it. For example, one of his greetings is, "Geez, You have it made. You don't have any problems, do you?" Or he might try to provoke a response with, "What do you know about work? You've had it easy. I'm the only one who's ever had a hard life." The hard life reference also turns up in comments like, "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. I've had a hard life." Or to a female (usually): I've had such a hard life. You should let me rub Vicks VapoRub all over your chest." (No endorsement of said product unless Vicks elects to compensate me.)
With his dry delivery, it's not always easy to tell if RM1 is being serious or not. As you might imagine, this has landed him in varying amounts of hot water since I've known him. For the record, RM1 is a 48-year old white guy, overweight but not grossly so, and stands about 5'8. Most would agree he has an outgoing personality and is friendly enough. He tells me he's had a lifelong drinking problem and has been through countless rehab programs.. From what I can tell, he has spent the last several years in and out of various programs and has logged most of that time in SA. While he claims to be seeking a cure, he also says he finds the compulsory AA meetings so boring that he usually spends his time texting throughout.
While I do like him and find him an agreeable roommate (I've heard a few horror stories about roommates from hell; remind me to tell you about them sometime) he does have a penchant for bizarre behavior and for making puzzling comments. An example would be his habit of entering a room and spouting gibberish. Something like "Shizbot pakum, flizzbet" with a delivery in a high-pitched 'alien' voice. After which he immediately says, "What?" as if he didn't say it. Other variations are RM1 suddenly bursting out singing gibberish, then commenting, "What the hell was that?"
A Thong To Remember
I find it funny up to a point. RM does have a tendency to over do it. As with certain 'catchphrases' like "Are you sick of it?" That one got overdone to the point that I told him to come up with new material. Or referring to fellow SA clients by saying, "Why can't someone just make all these walking pieces of flesh disappear?" His longest running bit had to do with an apparent fixation on thongs. While working, he would come up to you and mutter, my thong is on too tight; he would also blurt this out while sitting in the room. Or he might announce, "Who can imagine me in a silver thong right now? Seriously, I wanna know."
Another time-honored bit is his habit of sidling up to you with an impromptu 'thong song'. This might go something like, "Hit me in my thong until your tits explode." Or, "Bust me in the face until your thong's too tight! What?"
Along with the laughs, RM 1 does have a dark side which can appear without notice. This can manifest with certain statements about injuring people he perceives as ignoring him, or think are above him in some capacity. He seems to be overly sensitive to criticism. He'll often say things like, "The next time (he) says that to me or acts that way, I'll tell him, 'look motherf***er' you think you're so bad, let's go outside and settle it. But you won't do it 'cause you're too much of a bitch.' That's what I'll tell him. He thinks he can pull that s**t with me, but I ain't the one, bro'."
Then there's his obsession with online chat rooms/websites which leads to him constantly carry his phone while texting. Even while working he has to break away and text. He often talks about how he's met one woman or another in various states like Kentucky or Indiana and how well they get along. He had a long relationship with a woman and her two kids. They never met; the relationship was conducted entirely over the phone and texting. It's amazing to me that there's a kind of subculture who meet, 'fall in love', 'get engages' and, I guess, even 'married' over the Internet. I'd often he RM arguing with a woman about how she should respond to other guys online if she's his (alleged) 'finace'.
The relation ship with the woman and children ended badly, however. While he often talked to the kids about how he wanted to meet them, marry their mom and start a new family, he neglected on detail: He was living in a SA dorm, had no job, and no money. When he finally revealed this to her, she was understandably upset and finally cut communication with him. His response? "It figures. All these goddam women are the same. They ain't serious. I really thought she was special, too. Stupid f***in' bitch." Yes, the man does have issues. But hey, I never said he was perfect.
Can't We All Just Get Along?
Just wanted to let you have some insight to RM1, as I'd been meaning to do so for some time. Anyway, AJ had just shouted, "That's too f**kin' bad!" To which RM1 shouted, "Nobody wants to hear your stupid singing. Shut the f**k up!
AJ: Come make me shut the f**k up, then!
RM1: Shut up before I bust you in the mouth!
AJ: You gonna bust me in the mouth? Do it then, bitch! I fight men! I'll kick your ass!
RM1: You wanna act like a man, I'll treat you like a man if you don't shut up!
AJ: Oh, well! Oh, well! Oh, F***IN' WELL!"
(About this time a female security guard happened by and managed to stand between AJ and RM1. RM1 actually settled down, but AJ maintained her tirade, essentially shouting in the guard's face as RM1 and the rest of us walked through the doorway to another room.)
AJ: The f**k you talkin' about, I'm too loud? Who you, anyway? I ain't motherf***in' loud! You gonna fight me, come on back here, then! I'll kick your motherf***in' ass to the curb! Yeah, that's right! You ain't nothin'! Keep on walking, bee-yatch!"
Things finally quieted down, statements were taken, and everyone dispersed. In the room afterward, RM fretted about his actions, claiming that he was only joking and didn't think AJ would take him seriously; things just got out of hand. He also claimed he and AJ made up, apologizing to one another and hugging it out. Maybe so. But RM1 was still summoned to see the caseworkers the next day. He learned that he would be on probation for the next two weeks. That means he is essentially exiled to the A/B Dorms (the one with all the bunk beds that I stayed at initially) but still must report for kitchen duty and culinary classes. He'll still retain meal and laundry privileges, but can't stay in his room in the vocational dorm.
For all its drawbacks, the vocational dorm where I stay is vastly preferable to the other set-up. The fact that SA views this as a punishment should tell you a lot. It was thought that AJ would receive a similar punishment despite her protestations that she didn't do anything wrong (both parties were guilty of course). But we'll have to wait and see with AJ. Earlier this morning she suffered a seizure of some sort and fell over. Ambulances arrived and took her to a nearby hospital with her boyfriend (a fellow client and classmate) along for the ride. As of this writing I don't know how serious her condition is.
When I mentioned the happenings to RM1 he said, "Great. They'll probably try to blame that on me, too. (sighs) Niptok duzzleflarb acto. What the hell was that?!"
So, after 25 installments of HINJFCA you might ask your humble narrator: What's the most important thing you've learned thus far? Easy. My wrists get really cramped after all this damn typing. For now, that's a wrap!
Tensions tend to run high amongst the students in my culinary garde manger class. Despite the fact that our graduation is only a few weeks away (April 4th, with a spring break included) I sense a lot of trepidation amongst my classmates. My guess is that a lot of them are wondering -- and worried -- about their job prospects, especially those with long rap sheets. While that is not one of your humble narrator's concerns, he is nonetheless becoming antsy about procuring work in a field in which he has, like, zero experience. I'll keep you updated, of course.
The tension erupted into a all-out 'event' a few nights ago. During our ride back to SA, we were treated to the serenades of AJ, who you might recall is an extremely outspoken large black woman and parolee. Her obnoxious behavior is irritating to many of us, but we find it pointless to confront her about it. She's one of those people who feels she's justified in whatever behavior she indulges, not matter how adversely it may affect her classmates. As she warbled r&b songs throughout the drive, you could hear grumblings from those of us in the van. The alleged singing was often punctuated by outbursts of her loud, grating laughter. No one knows why she was laughing.
Upon heading into the SA offices (culinary students must place their knives in a central holding area, presumably to offset the chance of any random stabbings or renegade cooking), AJ continued to sing so loud that it was difficult to hear anyone else. This was when another classmate -- one of my roommates, in fact commented, "Too bad we can't hear anything for all the goddam singing back here!" This was the spark that lit AJs fuse. "Yeah. that's too bad," she shouted back. "That's just too f**king bad!"
Walking Pieces of Flesh
My roommate (call him RM1) is the sort who likes to needles people for the hell of it. For example, one of his greetings is, "Geez, You have it made. You don't have any problems, do you?" Or he might try to provoke a response with, "What do you know about work? You've had it easy. I'm the only one who's ever had a hard life." The hard life reference also turns up in comments like, "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. I've had a hard life." Or to a female (usually): I've had such a hard life. You should let me rub Vicks VapoRub all over your chest." (No endorsement of said product unless Vicks elects to compensate me.)
With his dry delivery, it's not always easy to tell if RM1 is being serious or not. As you might imagine, this has landed him in varying amounts of hot water since I've known him. For the record, RM1 is a 48-year old white guy, overweight but not grossly so, and stands about 5'8. Most would agree he has an outgoing personality and is friendly enough. He tells me he's had a lifelong drinking problem and has been through countless rehab programs.. From what I can tell, he has spent the last several years in and out of various programs and has logged most of that time in SA. While he claims to be seeking a cure, he also says he finds the compulsory AA meetings so boring that he usually spends his time texting throughout.
While I do like him and find him an agreeable roommate (I've heard a few horror stories about roommates from hell; remind me to tell you about them sometime) he does have a penchant for bizarre behavior and for making puzzling comments. An example would be his habit of entering a room and spouting gibberish. Something like "Shizbot pakum, flizzbet" with a delivery in a high-pitched 'alien' voice. After which he immediately says, "What?" as if he didn't say it. Other variations are RM1 suddenly bursting out singing gibberish, then commenting, "What the hell was that?"
A Thong To Remember
I find it funny up to a point. RM does have a tendency to over do it. As with certain 'catchphrases' like "Are you sick of it?" That one got overdone to the point that I told him to come up with new material. Or referring to fellow SA clients by saying, "Why can't someone just make all these walking pieces of flesh disappear?" His longest running bit had to do with an apparent fixation on thongs. While working, he would come up to you and mutter, my thong is on too tight; he would also blurt this out while sitting in the room. Or he might announce, "Who can imagine me in a silver thong right now? Seriously, I wanna know."
Another time-honored bit is his habit of sidling up to you with an impromptu 'thong song'. This might go something like, "Hit me in my thong until your tits explode." Or, "Bust me in the face until your thong's too tight! What?"
Along with the laughs, RM 1 does have a dark side which can appear without notice. This can manifest with certain statements about injuring people he perceives as ignoring him, or think are above him in some capacity. He seems to be overly sensitive to criticism. He'll often say things like, "The next time (he) says that to me or acts that way, I'll tell him, 'look motherf***er' you think you're so bad, let's go outside and settle it. But you won't do it 'cause you're too much of a bitch.' That's what I'll tell him. He thinks he can pull that s**t with me, but I ain't the one, bro'."
Then there's his obsession with online chat rooms/websites which leads to him constantly carry his phone while texting. Even while working he has to break away and text. He often talks about how he's met one woman or another in various states like Kentucky or Indiana and how well they get along. He had a long relationship with a woman and her two kids. They never met; the relationship was conducted entirely over the phone and texting. It's amazing to me that there's a kind of subculture who meet, 'fall in love', 'get engages' and, I guess, even 'married' over the Internet. I'd often he RM arguing with a woman about how she should respond to other guys online if she's his (alleged) 'finace'.
The relation ship with the woman and children ended badly, however. While he often talked to the kids about how he wanted to meet them, marry their mom and start a new family, he neglected on detail: He was living in a SA dorm, had no job, and no money. When he finally revealed this to her, she was understandably upset and finally cut communication with him. His response? "It figures. All these goddam women are the same. They ain't serious. I really thought she was special, too. Stupid f***in' bitch." Yes, the man does have issues. But hey, I never said he was perfect.
Can't We All Just Get Along?
Just wanted to let you have some insight to RM1, as I'd been meaning to do so for some time. Anyway, AJ had just shouted, "That's too f**kin' bad!" To which RM1 shouted, "Nobody wants to hear your stupid singing. Shut the f**k up!
AJ: Come make me shut the f**k up, then!
RM1: Shut up before I bust you in the mouth!
AJ: You gonna bust me in the mouth? Do it then, bitch! I fight men! I'll kick your ass!
RM1: You wanna act like a man, I'll treat you like a man if you don't shut up!
AJ: Oh, well! Oh, well! Oh, F***IN' WELL!"
(About this time a female security guard happened by and managed to stand between AJ and RM1. RM1 actually settled down, but AJ maintained her tirade, essentially shouting in the guard's face as RM1 and the rest of us walked through the doorway to another room.)
AJ: The f**k you talkin' about, I'm too loud? Who you, anyway? I ain't motherf***in' loud! You gonna fight me, come on back here, then! I'll kick your motherf***in' ass to the curb! Yeah, that's right! You ain't nothin'! Keep on walking, bee-yatch!"
Things finally quieted down, statements were taken, and everyone dispersed. In the room afterward, RM fretted about his actions, claiming that he was only joking and didn't think AJ would take him seriously; things just got out of hand. He also claimed he and AJ made up, apologizing to one another and hugging it out. Maybe so. But RM1 was still summoned to see the caseworkers the next day. He learned that he would be on probation for the next two weeks. That means he is essentially exiled to the A/B Dorms (the one with all the bunk beds that I stayed at initially) but still must report for kitchen duty and culinary classes. He'll still retain meal and laundry privileges, but can't stay in his room in the vocational dorm.
For all its drawbacks, the vocational dorm where I stay is vastly preferable to the other set-up. The fact that SA views this as a punishment should tell you a lot. It was thought that AJ would receive a similar punishment despite her protestations that she didn't do anything wrong (both parties were guilty of course). But we'll have to wait and see with AJ. Earlier this morning she suffered a seizure of some sort and fell over. Ambulances arrived and took her to a nearby hospital with her boyfriend (a fellow client and classmate) along for the ride. As of this writing I don't know how serious her condition is.
When I mentioned the happenings to RM1 he said, "Great. They'll probably try to blame that on me, too. (sighs) Niptok duzzleflarb acto. What the hell was that?!"
So, after 25 installments of HINJFCA you might ask your humble narrator: What's the most important thing you've learned thus far? Easy. My wrists get really cramped after all this damn typing. For now, that's a wrap!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)