So I hope all of you and yours had a Merry Xmas or Happy Holidays, or whatever PC euphemism you prefer. Just managed to stop by the library long enough to do some last minute blogging to ring out 2011, a year that your humble narrator would just as soon forget. The Mayans said 2012 is the year the workl ends but my personal Armageddon arrived a year earlier. Well, big deal. If the Mayans were such know-it-alls, why'd they get wiped out? Guess they didn't see that coming, did they? But I digest ...
Did you get all the stuff you wanted for Xmas? I got a secondhand watch and a pair of socks, but I'm not complaining. I actually did need the socks. They came courtesy not of St. Nick but an SA volunteer whom I will dub St. Matthew, or Matt. SA volunteers come in two varieties: Some come from the $8 a night dorms where I originally stayed (btw, those beds are now free from now until the end of winter at which time normal pricing will resume. Not surprisingly, that dorm is full up. In fact, while I essentially breezed into the SA program, there is now a considerable waiting list for the same thing. Like they say, timing is everything). Those dorm dwellers can volunteer to work on the SA campus as kitchen workers, maintenance workers, etc, in return for a free bed and one free meal a day.
The other type of volunteer comes to SA as part of their community service in exchange for paying a fine (or jail time) for, say, too many DUIs. These workers usually stay from 2-5 days depending on their court deal. The dorm volunteers can stay on for years. Perhaps because they're working for room, board and food, I've often noticed the dorm volunteers often work harder that the regular clients like myself. There's a guy who is at least 80 who arrives in the kitchens at 4:30 am to make coffee and help out, then leaves at 7 only to return again for a shift that lasts from 1-7 pm. So far as I know he hasn't missed a day. His name is Nick and while he is a dependable worker, I wonder if he's missed his calling. Standing around 5'7 and 140 lbs, Nick has a wizened wrinkly face and speaks with a gravelly NYC accent that would make him a natural character actor for a Scorcese mob flick. The fact that he curses like a sailor doesn't hurt his image.
Anyway, back to Matt. Matt is a really nice guy, around 60ish, with a bright face and cheerful disposition. He usually does the cleaning chores around the kitchen, wiping down tables and mopping floors, etc. Matt is also what some might term a 'Jesus freak', although that might be harsh. Judge for yourself. Remember I said I got a pair of socks from him? When I mentioned to him that I really needed a pair, he said, "God knew you needed that pair of socks, and he guided them to you. I had nothing to do with it." Or if you give him a compliment about how he mops the floor he'll reply with, "It's not me. It's the Lord working through me that makes the floor so clean." Or when he once invited me to attend his local church services (which I can't because it conflicts with my schedule; no, it really does) he said, "God is guiding me to seek out people to attend this church." And so on. Basically no matter what you talk to him about, Matt will find a way to weave God's guidance into the conversation. Let's say that certain people find the habit annoying.
Some have apparently been offended when he leaves for the day saying, "God bless you." I've never found that offensive, but I have been somewhat amused by his constant evocation of the Lord's presence in everything he does. I've sometimes wonder if God occasionally rolls his eyes and mutters, "Jesus, Matt, give it a rest." For the record, I'm not making fun of Matt. To be honest, I actually envy him. I envy the fact that he has found a higher power he can surrender himself. I envy that he can be so devoted without questioning his faith. I don't doubt his strong faith keeps Matt's disposition amicable and has resulted in a youthful look in his face. If his faith makes it possible for him to find peace within his heart, cause harm to none and simply attempt to share the blessings he has found, who is to say he's wrong? I honestly wish there was something to which I could offer my blind devotion. I expect I'm too much of a doubting Thomas to ever allow myself to do such a thing.
Some other things going on: Over the past couple weeks, my routine has settled down a bit. And that makes me nervous. You see, I don't want to get too comfortable living in what is essentially a homeless shelter. Yet I see many of my fellow clients settling into what seems to be a kind of domestic bliss. They view their time in the vocational program as normal everyday life. They hang out with friends, watch TV in the common room, play foosball and pool, and generally seem to enjoy themselves in this Salvation Army environment. Is it me, or does this seem unnatural?
Speaking for myself, I didn't come here to watch TV, trade DVDs or play games. While I prefer people like me, I didn't enter the SA program to win Facebook friends or have a vacation. I came here to go through the program, re-enter the work force and rebuild my life; and trust me, there's a lot of painful rebuilding ahead. To me it seems abnormal to view this living situation at SA as 'normal'. To me, it's a temporary living condition that I want to escape as quickly as possible. I can't tell you how much I miss living alone, on my own schedule. While it pales in comparison to my former plight, it actually gets tiresome passing in and out of checkpoints while security guards breathalyze you. In all honesty, though, I don't have a problem with SA. They've been very helpful and have provided me with a foundation on which I can re-examine myself, learn new skills, and resume a normal lifestyle.
Another problem I've having isn't with SA per se, but with the general neighborhood itself. While I've described how this area is infested with all types of indigents due to the preponderance of charities and cheap beds, the number of homeless people seems to have grown as the weather has turned colder. This is evidenced by the 'settlments' that have multiplied recently. To the east on Owens Ave you can find a 'strip mall' of tents and shelters erected against a freeway overpass. A few steps farther and you'll find a large open gravel lot. Around this lot are ringed more tents and shelters. Even a few cars are parked there; they presumably belong to homeless people who are sleeping in their vehicles (there are actually websites devoted to living in your car. Google the subject if you don't believe me).
It's strange to see these people milling about like they're out for a stroll in their neighborhood. Stranger still to see trucks and vans filled with food and clothing roll up and hand out the items to the occupants. Why do I say this? While the intentions of those donating the items is no doubt pure, couldn't such actions be viewed as actually enabling the homeless to maintain their current level of existence? One could argue that the homeless are in effect being rewarded by receiving items for free simply because they've chosen to live outside the mainstream of society. Perhaps this is coming off colder than I've intended, but I do feel there is a point where such donations can do as much harm as good. I've seen how the homeless come to depend on these handouts, and it seems to eradicate any compunction on their part to rejoin society.
They know that sooner or later some charity will roll by with free food and clothing (not to mention blankets, toiletries, etc.). While handing out free meals to the homeless at SA, many of them brag about never having to buy a meal all day. They know when churches serve free meals. and they know when and where to go for plenty of handouts. For a time I also stood in line for various stuff, but I've since given that up. I don't like standing in line with a lot of those guys anymore because I don't want to be associated with them. I also don't want to need handouts from anyone, so I've given up on the freebies. I'm not saying it's wrong, just not something I wish to partake of any longer.
Walking westward on Owens Ave to the corner of Las Vegas Blvd North you'll find the largest homeless settlement. Located across the street from a cemetery (the one with the black rooster) it's a sprawling piece of undeveloped acreage that is increasing populated by more and more tents and shelters. Here you'll find a community of homeless so large that food trucks regularly stop by (maybe they take food stamps?); if the settlement gets any bigger, it'll need its own zip code. You'll find families living in makeshift shelters, with their kids using the dirt and gravel lots as a playground. Pieces of furniture like sofas and tables are strategically placed to keep tent fabric from flying off. Drug dealing and prostitution is evident even though NLV cop cars regularly patrol the area.
Oddly, the cops seem more fixated on running off panhandlers than cracking down on the other vice going on in the area. Occupants use the area as a kind of public toilet as well. It's not uncommon to see any of them doing their business in broad daylight. I recently witnessed a sight so disgusting I couldn't eat lunch that day. (No doubt it'll show up on YouTube.) A sewer-like smell is becoming ever more noticeable. You'd think sanitation concerns would be enough to shut the site down. And you have to wonder about the effect this has on the local property values. Many homes are located near this settlement. Would a selling point be, "Offers excellent view of the daily activities of the homeless camp. Watch transients go to the bathroom from your living room window!"
The biggest irony, imo? This homeless camp is located smack across the street from a brand new construction project with a sign that proudly beams, "Welcome to the Great City of North Las Vegas Nevada"!
I recently completed SA's Essential Employment Skills (EES) Classes. It's a series of classes designed for 're-entry'. That is, trying to get clients with substance abuse problems and/or criminal histories to re enter the work force. To that end, there's a lot of obvious stuff taught like, Don't walk into an interview with your iPod blasting. Don't say things to the interviewer like, "Yo what up, homes," or "What it be like, dawg?" Don't wear shorts, don't go into an interview high or buzzed, don't use profanity, don't hit on the secretary (or the interviewer), etc. Stuff that should basically be common sense; and would be viewed as such in most cases. But there are some hardheads for whom common sense might as well be a foreign language.
The teacher of the course is a man named Sam, who has a tendency to drone on and then suddenly pound the chalkboard to emphasize his points. Example: "When you walk in for an interview, do you wear sunglasses? NO! (pound) WRONG! (pound). Do you wear swimming trunks and say, Yo dude got any jobs? What? HELLO?! (pound) WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? (pound). Stuff like that. Sam is very matter of fact and it wouldn't surprise me if he is or had been some sort of a parole officer in his career. I sometimes wondered if he didn't pound the board so forcefully in order to make sure the students were staying awake.
As I've stated before, their programs are really geared toward recovering substance abusers and ex-cons. My own personal problems stem from neither condition. I can tell you it still freaks me out to hear guys (and girls) casually dropping references like, "Yeah, when I was in county lock up ..." or ""We did it differently when I was in prison ...." or "I gotta go meet with my motherf***in' parole officer again," or "Can I get a job even if I have multiple felonies like assault with a deadly weapon on my record?" There are all actual statements I've heard, made as casually as you please. While it's a bit mind blowing to me, these are legit concerns for those affected. Both my SA casework and my shrink have told me that rap sheets make it extremely difficult for ex-cons to get jobs. They can automatically discount any job with any government agency (on any level). And while big name casinos in LV claim to be equal opportunity employers, it's not exactly a secret that ex-cons are wasting their time applying there.
Since my time is dwindling, let me hit a few salient points: On the work front, my kitchen schedule has been changed from 12-8pm to 5am-1pm. Safe to say it's been a shock to my system. While I have managed to make it on time, it still feels wrong to get up so early. I prefer waking up when the sun is warm, or at least visible. The early shift has afforded me the chance to resume cutting meat. I couldn't tell you how many pounds of dead chicken flesh I sliced and diced the other day. I also had a chance to make my first food: French toast.
Well, it's a start. I'm thinking of my own version: French Cajun Toast, which swaps cinnamon for cayenne pepper. I'd say it's a taste treat guaranteed to wake up your body from top to bottom! Most of the guys on the first shift are experienced cooks and have worked in food service for years. The lead cook told me he's a licensed home security specialist. While he made a good living as such, he loves to cook, so money doesn't enter the equation. I've heard similar such stories from other kitchen workers. While many of these guys do have the experience and the talent, they also have records. It'll be interesting to see how many of them land jobs, and where.
I am also thinking about life after SA. I might opt for a casino, since I have no criminal record and my caseworker told me that should help with employment opportunities. One of my co-workers said he thought I'd make a great maitre'd, so I'm looking into that possibility. That position seems to value people skills as much or more than food/cooking skills, so that might give me a shot. Wherever it is, I'd like it to be an entertainment-themed establishment like the Hard Rock Cafe, House of Blues, or a smaller nightclub or dinner theatre. That way, I might be able to put my acting skills to better effect. There's also the chance of working for the National Parks, which might be a great experience. Wouldn't hurt to get out of Vegas for a while. If you have any ideas, pass 'em along.
So I'm closing out 2011 on a far different note than it began. I"m still not sure what to make of it all. There are still the days where I think I dreamt everything and I'll wake up to resume my former life. Other days my mind is preoccupied with what when wrong and what I could have done to avoid it. And other days, like today, I feel discomforted and discontented. But it's not necessarily a bad feeling. It's a core sensation that I want to move on with my life and leave the past behind. Take that for your cliche of the day. At any rate have a safe and happy new year. I'll likely be asleep when 2012 rolls in, so mind yourselves and we'll meet again next year.
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