If you couldn’t tell by the calendar, you can definitely
tell by the weather: The seasons have
turned and winter has arrived here at the Grand Canyon. The past few days have been overcast, cold
and windy; today is no exception. The
forecast has been calling for a 50% chance of rain/snow, although no
precipitation has fallen thus far.
Perhaps it’s because of the elevation here, but the winds seem
especially sharp and piercing, and it seems to hit from all sides. Then again, maybe I’ve been too spoiled by
the comparatively milder climate of Las Vegas, where I’ve lived for more years
than I care to relate.
Anyway, that’s the weather update. Since I live in a world-famous national park,
I thought I’d take a moment to let you know all the great things we employees
do to entertain ourselves here. Let’s
see … many people watch DVDs, drink, hike around the GC, drink, go for long
walks, take the area tours, watch TV, eat, drink, surf incessantly online, drink, engage in
photography, ogle tourists (females in my case), attempt to annoy the local
four-footed wildlife, and did I mention drinking?
Yes, boozing, partying, and getting completely shitfaced tend to be popular pastimes
here at the GC. And that’s because,
believe it or not, there’s really not a whole helluva lot to do here. Once the novelty of sightseeing and hiking
wears off, we employees – or at least Your Humble Narrator – are faced with the
reality of living in what is essentially a small, remote village that offers very
little in the way of diversion, entertainment, or flat out fun. Hence drinking and partying are there to fill
the need. Indeed, it’s no mystery that
AA has its own chapter here, and it is (reportedly) well-attended.
(Given the lack of activities here, I sometimes wonder
why the GC doesn’t experience a baby boom of sorts; making babies is one form of
diversion that never seems to go out of style.
Maybe the government puts contraceptives into the water here.)
Road Trippin’ to Flag
At any rate, YHN is neither a drinker nor smoker (of any
substance), so that puts him especially at a loss. It also leaves me with that above-mentioned
form of diversion as a means of entertainment; now if I could only find a
willing partner. The sad truth is that
civilization lies approximately 80 miles to the south of GC in the bustling
metropolis of Flagstaff, AZ. I say this
sarcastically, of course. While it’s a
nice enough college town, Flag is fairly small in size and provincial in
attitude. Normally I wouldn’t give Flag
a second thought. But compared to the
dearth of activities and products available in GC, this small town might as
well be NYC or LA
.
If you don’t have a car (like me) you can take a shuttle
from GC to Flag at the rate of $25 – each way, and that includes an employee
discount. The cheaper alternative is to
take advantage of twice-a-month shopping trips sponsored by the GC Rec Center:
$15 round trip. I’ve done this a few
times, but there are disadvantages. You
must abide by their schedule and itinerary; it usually involves stops at
Walmart, the Flagstaff Mall, and assorted grocery stores.
Sometimes your roadmates are less than desirable types who like to talk (or fart) nonstop. Sometimes you might get squished while sitting between two weight-challenged behemoths who refuse to shift position. On the plus side, I’ve managed to get haircuts and eye exams
during these trips. As you might expect
the attractive price makes these trips very popular. Since the van can only accommodate 10 people,
the trips fill up fast. And the trips
might not be scheduled on a day you can take off. Nonetheless, this is the most cost-effective
way for GC residents to do their shopping in the big city.
Another way is to simply travel to Flag with friends who
have wheels. I’ve also done this on
occasion. The driver will usually
request $10-15 from each passenger for gas money. My experience has been the following: I’m crammed into a small car with 4-6 people
making the trip. Most of the people are
chain smokers (another popular activity in the GC) and I have to hold my breath
most of the trip. My fellow passengers
are often, for whatever reason, of the nerd-geek variety. That means a lot of sci-fi/Star Trek/Star
Wars, etc. references. It also means a
lot of computerese techno-babble that sounds like a foreign language after a
time
.
Then there seems to be the requisite wigger of the bunch;
that is, a suburban white kid who has adopted a lot of urban hip-hop slang into
his vocabulary. Thus, I hear stuff like,
“Yo, when we gonna jet this bitch?” Or,
“What up with that, yo? Why you gotta be
a nigga about it?” or somesuch. Sometimes
it’s amusing, while other times it sounds hopelessly pathetic. Of course, there is something of an age gap
between YHN and his fellow passengers. I
might have a few years (okay, decades) on these guys, after all. But really … What is up with that, yo?
It’s not unusual for employees to spend a few nights in
Flag, just to get away from the confines of the GC. It’s odd to use the word ‘confines’ when
referring to a landmark that stretches some 277-miles but it’s amazing how
claustrophobic the park can seem at times.
And it’s not just the park, but the living arrangements which enhance
that discomfort.
Unless you’re in a management position here, you will have a
roommate. Rest assured, you will get
sick of seeing their face, hearing their voice, etc. Their very presence seems to be a violation of your personal space. In my case, I have a middle-aged roommate who seems to
love his room – he never fucking leaves the place during his time off. His leisure activities seem to be downloading
crap off the internet, blasting music, snoring loud enough to rattle the
windows, and of course drinking (mainly Fosters big cans, it seems). That's when he's not moping about his glory days or bitching incessantly about his job. Remind me to write a post on this guy: He redefines the term “Buzzkill”.
For my part, I spend very little time in the room. It’s too small, and like I say the roommate
is always hanging around there (which is weird because he actually has a
vehicle). During my time off I tend to walk a lot, go to the library, the
Rec Center, or do whatever I can to avoid that room. I
mainly need it for sleeping, shaving, showering and … well, that other essential bodily function..
Other options for employees escaping the park include
Williams AZ, about 35 miles away, and Tusayan which is right outside the
park. It’s also where many park
employees moonlight at local hotels and fast food joints. Williams is interesting because employees can
get a free train ride there from the GC; that catch is, you must stay overnight
before returning. Tusayan is interesting because ... well, nothing comes to mind at the moment. Anyway, that's some of the stuff we do to amuse ourselves here at the big bad GC.
And if all else fails, there’s always drinking. Or did I mention that?
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